Pick me up ((Tagged))

[Fierfly]

((@shiver, Rykett))

Fierfly:

Eclipse had left...just...left. He'd left her because she'd asked him to, it was her own fault really, but it didn't hurt any less. She'd just needed some time to think and what had happened? He'd left. She'd stood there until he disappeared in the winter storm, staring after him and once he was gone she fell over sobbing, crushing the frozen lilies and killing them with the growing hope she'd been harboring. She'd come to the Valley to start over, to try another life, she'd only been severely disappointed with what she'd found. Good friends had rallied around her, and now she was alone again.

She sighed again and opened her eyes to look around once at the now fresh, growing lilies bending around her in the breeze. How could everything be so beautiful when she was so miserable? How could everything be so alive when she was so dead? How? And why?

She'd scarcely moved since she'd pushed him away from her that cold Winter night. She'd watched the snow melt away and her tears along with it and the grass come back to life. She'd been coming to life again as well, now she felt dead inside over again. Had losing her parents not been enough? How much more misery and sadness did she have to bear? "Why don't I just die and end the misery?" she wondered to herself silently, "Why?" she'd scarcely eaten, hadn't been taking care of herself...she should have been dead...then why was she still alive?

Two more lonely, useless tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes - but no more. Crying had become useless even in venting her fright and loneliness, now she felt nearly nothing.

[Deleted]

Savu had led his mate Mysti through the grasslands, a season perhaps dulling the innate and piercing pain of losing everything. But he could dare say that they had lost everything more than once. The large male was no longer grey and ashy, but white and weathered with age. His sapphire eyes did not hold the joy and freshness of youth, no. But they held the wisdom that could only come from conquering grief. He had brought his mate to the place where everything had fallen apart, in an effort to start over, renew their love at such a late season in their burdened lives. The lillies were bright white in the mellow sun that shine through the large, puffy white clouds that moved swiftly above. They waved in the warm breeze, the peaceful beauty that gripped him brightened his heart and put a pup-like bounce in his aged step. 

He he noticed a sad figure in the meadow, a tan and orange shewolf. Savu didn't know what to do. He had been looking forward to being alone with his mate, helping her remember the things they had lost and look forward to what was to come. This shewolf, however, he had not anticipated. Perhaps to mark their rebirth and renewal they should help her. Turning to Mysti he silently asked her.


Rykett

[Rykett]

Mysti:

Mysti’s eyes stared at the ground, dully. She felt so empty. Still, there had to be hope, somewhere. She had Savu. She had the pups that stirred inside of her, Jekyll’s siblings. Mysti felt old. She’d been through so much. She wasn’t truly an elder wolf. Her twilight years were still several season cycles away, still she felt weathered. Savu paused beside her. Mysti looked up. There was brown form lying in the meadow. Slumped and unmoving, she almost seemed dead, yet there was the subtle lift and rise of breath. Was she hurt? Mysti glanced at Savu and met his questioning gaze. Taking a deep, steadying breath, Myst approached, willing to take the lead.

The grey she-wolf hesitated as she neared the stranger. Mysti was usually not one for starting conversations. She always felt nervous around new wolves. You could never know what kind of wolf they were. They might be one that saw every flaw and judged you for it. Mysti knew Savu saw the best in her, but others might not… Still, she couldn’t just leave this she-wolf without knowing that all was well. She didn’t seem to have any wounds, but emotional wounds could scar just as easily as physical ones. ”H… hello? Are you alright?” Mysti voice was soft. She hoped it’d sound comforting and friendly, though perhaps her anxiety was the only emotion to shine through.

[Fierfly]

Fierfly:

Dead.

She really wished she was dead. Anything would have been better than this. Than feeling nothing, seeing nothing. The lilies danced around her, nodding their sweetly scented heads in the breeze, she didn't see any of it. She was so ready to quit, to just give up.

Paw-steps broke the silence she'd gotten lost in and her flame-blue eyes slid over to see who'd come upon her. At any other time she would have cowered or run away, there was no point to doing either now. She hadn't been eating much, just enough to dull the pain of hunger, so she wasn't healthy, too skinny and small to present a challenge to an aggressive wolf. She hadn't the energy to run and she was already as close to the ground as one could get, you couldn't get more submissive than that. If Eclipse had been there she would have hidden behind him and let him handle it, but he wasn't there, which was the entire reason for her just lying there wishing to die.

The pair paused as they came up to her and she glanced at them out of the corner of her eye. The male looked older, not quite an elder, but surely passing out of his prime, his dark blue eyes looked to be grieving and slowly shifted to concern as he noticed the motionless wolf lying before him. The female with him was even smaller than Fierfly, slightly built, really awfully small and not too-well fed herself, except her belly was starting to swell...pups were on the way. New life, new hope, all of which Fierfly had lost.

The female looked very concerned and asked if Fierfly was alright, her voice was soft and anxious as she looked the young she-wolf up and down, not moving, barely breathing. Fierfly rolled her eyes back to star straight in front of her, looking away from the couple. She didn't feel like talking, she didn't even know if she could. Hm...if she and Eclipse had stayed together, would they be like this couple? She was horrified with the thought and tried to push it out of her mind, but it was too late, the picture was in her mind. Just when she thought she finally understood what it meant to run out of tears, they started back up again. Her face crumpled and she squeezed her eyes shut as fresh tears began to pour out. Why didn't she just die?

[Deleted]

Savu didn't know what to do. As soon as they had approached, the shewolf had simply glanced their way and then turned her glassy gaze elsewhere. Savu, lacking in experience with helping others out of the pits of heartbreak (even though he was ungraciously familiar with that subject), looked for a new way to help her. Her fur was dull and her breathing came at a slow, ragged pace. He remembered this look from so long ago, when Mysti, came starving to the border of Eternal Snowfall. He had met her and then followed her when she had ran away in fear. He had fed her and then taught her how to hunt for herself. It wasn't that she was unable to hunt for herself, it was that she had no emotional capacity for confidence, and without confidence one cannot hunt.

"Please, stay here and talk with Mysti, I will be back with some food. Please," The large white male nosed Mysti in the cheek before padding away tentatively. He didn't want to leave her alone, but both of them needed food, and they weren't able right now. He would go off further in the meadow and catch some rabbits.

Now in the tall grass, Savu lowered his hulking body down. It was easy to find a rabbit mound, no wolves who came here came looking for food. This was the Lunar Meadow after all. Narrowing his blue eyes he spotted his prey. Two fat brown rabbits were nibbling away at cold earth roots, unaware of the danger that they were in. While his bones weren't as limber and fluid as they once were, but hunting still came easily. The pair of rabbits were dead in his jaws before they could finish their meal. turning back towards the two females, he approached cautiously; unaware of whatever conversation they were having. And so he dipped his head and shoved a rabbit to each of them.

[Rykett]

Mysti:

The female gave no response to Mysti’s tentative question. Her glistening blue eyes only shifted to look Mysti and Savu over before returning to a blank stare into the distance. Savu decided to remove himself from the conversation and get the starved female some food. A good idea, but Mysti would’ve liked to have him with her if only for support. Afterall, engaging strangers in conversation wasn’t definitely not one of Mysti’s fortes. Mysti took a few more hesitant steps toward the she-wolf. ”I… Are you hurt or…” The closer Mysti came to the other wolf, the clearer it became that she had no physical wounds. Instead, tears had begun flowing down her light brown cheeks. Heartbreak was, most likely, the cause of her state. ”Have you…” Mysti paused, careful to keep back her own heartache while she helped this she-wolf, ”lost someone you love?”

This would be much easier if the female would just explain her problem. Wait. Maybe Mysti was prying too much. This stranger might not want Mysti’s therapy or might not want to even consider speaking of her trials. Hurried, Mysti tried to correct her nosiness,”If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine. I just… don’t like seeing other wolves in pain.” Pain had followed Mysti like a shadow. She could never truly shake it now that it had woven its tendrils through her being. Still, there was hope. No wolf should ever give up that sliver of hope. Without hope, life had no light. From what Mysti had seen, this she-wolf had lost her hope.

[Fierfly]

Fierfly:

She bit her lip to try to stave off the tears but it wasn't happening like that. The she-wolf - Mysti: the sounds seemed to lag, only reaching her several seconds after they'd actually happened and coming off as hollow and echoey when they did register. The male - had he left? He'd gone somewhere...to hunt. He wanted her to talk with Mysti...please...please... Mysti slowly, cautiously approached, careful in her steps and very tentative and gentle. Her voice was quiet and soothing, like cool water over pebbles, but it was hesitant, shy maybe? Concerned more like it, a sweet, motherly concern...Fierfly thought about her mother - not for the first time since she'd fallen still here. It had been a long time since she'd seen her: the fire had killed her...how long ago...two years? Time didn't even matter anymore, but yes, two years sounded about right. The picture in her mind was beginning to fade, she was beginning to forget...more tears began streaming down her face. If she'd ever needed her mother's soothing voice and warm body to comfort her it was now. What a coward she was, wishing for her mother like a scared little pup when she was a full-grown adult, but she didn't care.

Mysti tentatively tried to understand the problem, help her hurts: very slowly, very quietly she asked; "Have you...lost someone you love?"

An awful wail of broken-hearted, aching loneliness sliced the air. Goodness! She hadn't even realized she'd had that left in her! Poor Mysti, only trying to help...but she wasn't thinking about that now, she wasn't really thinking at all. Lost someone she'd loved? Oh, if only she knew! Hadn't she ever: she'd lost everyone. Even Azi would have been good company about now - wait, she already had company...she didn't want company, she wanted to die.

Mysti anxiously backpedaled. If she didn't want to talk that was fine: talk. She wasn't sure if she even could talk, she hadn't used her voice in...since...suddenly she needed to hear her own voice, she had to make someone understand. "Eh-ehver-y-wo-on," she sobbed, burring her face in her folded paws, shoulders trembling with the sobs. "Eyy-y l-l-lost-t eh-every-one..."

[Rykett]

((Hey Fierfly, Shiv said it’s fine if we just have Mysti and Fierfly converse for a while before Savu rejoins the conversation. ))

Mysit:

In response to Mysti’s tentative question about losing someone, the female wailed. A heartbreaking cry that let out all her frustration and despair. Mysti’s ears flew back. The female had expressed her feelings the way she’d wished, perhaps that meant she wanted Mysti to leave her be to wallow in her depression. Mysti hesitated, though, waiting for a change of heart. She wanted to help this she-wolf back on her feet, but Mysti couldn’t help if the female didn’t let her. Mysti sighed and took a step away. Then, a shuddering sobs from the she-wolf formed words.

"Eh-ehver-y-wo-on. Eyy-y l-l-lost-t eh-every-one..." she trembled through the answer. The quivering syllables took Mysti a second to translate, ”Everyone. I lost everyone.” Mysti had lost everyone, once, too. Memories now so distant that they might as well just be nightmares drifted through Mysti’s mind; a dark storm of strange blood-colored rain, a large bear enraged or frightened by the event, real blood mixing with the fake. She’d thought that everyone she knew and loved had died that night. It wasn’t until many months later that she’d discovered her brother, Striken, had also survived the tragedy. Thank the Power Savu had found her when he did. Depressed and with a shattered self-confidence, Mysti had nearly starved herself to death. She’d deluded herself into believing that she couldn’t survive without her family helping her hunt, so any solo hunt she attempted had usually failed. Savu had saved her and brought her security.

If only she could do that for this she-wolf. Mysti tried to think of the right words to say to her. She lay down beside the other female to be on her level. The simple task was slightly more difficult with her pregnant belly. After a moment of silence, Mysti spoke, ”I know exactly how you feel… I lost everyone, once. They were all dead. I thought that I’d die alone and I nearly did, drowning in my self-doubt and desolation. I could barely hunt, barely speak. I kept putting one paw in front of the paw despite how meaningless everything felt. I actually didn’t even consider suicide. I thought I’d die any day, anyways, so there wasn’t really any need. But…” Mysti had been looking at her paws during this speech, reflecting on one of her darkest time.

At the last word, she looked up and towards Savu who was hunting rabbits in the distance. ”Someone saved me. I found new love. When he loved me back I didn’t believe him, I didn’t have hope or confidence, so I pushed him away and I was lost, again. Then I decided not to give up. We found each other again. It hasn’t been easy, but we’re still reaching for hope.” Mysti paused, thinking of her first litter. All had ended up dead, but somehow she clung to hope. ”I know world might feel like it’s devoid of all light, but even in the depths of darkness, hopes lives on. If you let that hope go, you might be lost in the black, but even lost, you can always spark new hope. Keep that hope kindled and eventually you’ll find a new world of light.”

[Fierfly]

Fierfly:

Mysti tentatively lay down beside her, reclining beside her like friends did when they talked and she quietly began. "I know exactly how you feel," Fierfly buried her head deeper in her paws and sobbed again. How could anyone ever understand? No one could have possibly understood how broken and lonely she felt. The emptiness, the sharp pain in her heart, the despair, the hopelessness. She just couldn't keep going anymore, everything was gone, why didn't she just die?

Mysti paused, then bravely went on. "I lost everyone, once." Fierfly's ears perked, ever so slightly. How could you lose everyone once? They were gone! She'd lost her parents, she'd lost Azi, she'd lost Eclipse, they were gone. It wasn't that she'd lost them once, they were just lost - to her anyway. Why didn't she just die?

Mysti went on to explain that she'd felt much the same way Fierfly did. Lost, hopeless, alone, but someone saved her. She looked up in time to see the blue she-wolf look lovingly towards her mate. "Someone saved me." Fierfly turned away and felt two more tears burn their way down her face. At least she had that, and pups on the way. No, Fierfly had lost her chance for such a happy ending. She'd already told Eclipse she wasn't good enough, and he'd left, she didn't know where he was even if she did feel like she might have at last been enough for him. "Ah-I," she choked and started again. "I h-had someone like that once. B-but...he was so wonderful and I couldn't give him anything in return. I don't know where he is now even if I," she swallowed, "Even if I could hope to see him again, I'm still...I'm still just Fierfly."

[Rykett]

It crossed Mysti’s mind that droning on about how she’d found so much happiness and joy (even though Mysti didn’t exactly feel that elated right then) might not be the kind of thing this she-wolf needed to hear. Wouldn’t that just make her feel worse? Mysti had been trying to show how much she emphasized with this stranger. Mysti might’ve just completely negated that by explaining how “wonderful” her life was. The more Mysti considered it, the more inconsiderate her words seem. Yet, there was no taking back the hasty words. Mysti anxiously waited for a response, hoping that she hadn’t destroyed the younger wolf’s chance at new hope.

The other she-wolf’s words didn’t soothe Mysti’s worries, but neither did they confirm them. However, they did give Mysti something to focus on, and they finally revealed the mysterious female’s name, Fierfly. Mysti rolled Firefly’s words around in her head. It was eerie how familiar they seemed. They felt like words that Mysti would’ve said during those months without Savu while he was wreaking his supposed vengeance. What had finally gotten her moving back then? Her desire to be with Savu. Even if she knew she didn’t deserve him, Mysti had still wanted to be with him. Her perceptions of her own incompetence hadn’t mattered as much as her love for him. Maybe she could get Fierfly to realize that.

”Fierfly,” hopefully saying the she-wolf’s name felt more reassuring, ”You don’t have to give him anything, but your love. I don’t know this wolf you speak of, but if he truly cares for you, that’s all he would want from you. You don’t need to be an amazing hunter or a level 3 sorcerer or the alphess of a pack to love and be loved. All you need to be is yourself, just Fierfly.” Mysti paused for a second, letting the words sink in, ”He’s out there waiting for you. You should go find him and if it turns out he wasn’t what you thought he was, it’s okay. There is someone out there for you… You just need to find them.”

[Fierfly]

((okay, let's get this rolling so we can move on. Sorry for the wait guys! >.<))

Fierfly:

Still lying on her forepaws, ear barely flicking as Mysti took a breath and analyzed her words she stared ahead. There was no point - nothing this she-wolf would say could help her. She didn't know where Eclipse was and she had nothing to give to him. She was wasting this poor soul's time, she should apologize and wander away, find a cliff maybe...

"Fierfly,"[/i], Mysti soothed, Fierfly felt a pleasant shiver rustle down her spine. Mysti was going to be a wonderful mother, she had the perfect voice for soothing a startled or distraught child, and judging from her size, she hadn't very long to wait. Congratulations should have been in order, and here she was moping and crying - she really couldn't give anything to anyone. She really was nothing, gave nothing, meant nothing-

"You con't have to give him anything,"[/i]

The ears came up and the head along with them, and for the first time she looked at Mysti straight-on. She had a kind, timid little face, pointed and peaked. Her eyes were watery blue and gently lined - surely not with age! She couldn't have been terribly old, she was expecting pups...no, she was tired, she was grieved, and grief and hardship brought age faster than anything. Poor Mysti, expecting puppies - something that should have brought joy - and already worn out and old from the sorrow that had haunted her life before, maybe still haunted her.

Mysti went on, all you needed to give was love. It was handing another your heart that was the greatest gift, not skillfully caught game or a magical spectacle or an alphess's charm and wit - if he'd loved her, he'd loved her because she was herself and that was all she needed to be and to give. And if he hadn't really loved her, then someone else would.

"You really believe that?" Fierfly asked meekly,

[Rykett]

Mysti smiled, warmly, as Fierfly lifted her head to look at Mysti. Her words seemed to finally getting through to Fierfly. There was a slight glimmer of hope sparkling in Fierfly’s eyes as she met Mysti’s. The other female’s eyes were a crisp blue that complimented her warm colored coat. They seemed fragile as if a single harsh word could shatter her. That word would never come from Mysti. Instead, she spoke a single, gentle word.

”Yes.”

It was a simple word, yet it provided the affirmation that Fierfly hopefully needed. Mysti paused for a second, wondering if she should add more to further explain and proof her belief. Deciding it would only solidify that distant hope, Mysti spoke again, ”I once thought I would never find love. That my family and friend would be the only ones who tolerated me, but there was someone waiting for me. I almost didn’t realize it until it was too late. Don’t make the same mistake. He’s out there, you just have to find him.” Mysti looked to the distant form of Savu hunting rabbits. She couldn’t imagine a world without him.