Here Comes a Thought (tagged)

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Cascade

Finally some peace and quiet.
Kilpi was alone in the warm woods of the Forest of Love. It truly was a romantic area, but Kilpi just might be sick of romance. Her latest encounter with a love-sick male hadn't been handled very well. He was, frankly, creepy and stalker-ish. And after gently, repeatedly, telling him she wasn't interested she finally let him down hard. But in his 'broken-hearted' throes he accused her of leading him on. It was a ridiculous conversation. She had nearly drowned earlier as well. Yes, he had drug her from the depths of the falls, but that wasn't going to turn her into a smitten shepup. She was grateful, but not in love. And now...she couldn't breathe. Her lungs seemed incapable of pulling in the right amount of oxygen, unable to expand to the necessary volume.
Kilpi lowered her stout body onto the grass, laying her chin on her striped paws, ears back in a relaxed way. She was unable to sleep (unlike Darkmoon, he slept very often). Ugh, she had to forget him, she obviously wan't having any luck romantically.

But why was she back here? Back where her recent problems began? She knew she was lonely, she wanted love...but no one seemed right. Darkmoon was not good for her for very obvious reasons, Earendil totally left her in a time of need. If only her family was still around, perhaps she could get advice from her mother. Afterall Kitsune had seemed content, and happy with her mate Jelack. Kilpi's father was out there, maybe he had returned to mother... But where did they live? Where was she and her two sister born? Suddenly she remembered Akiane. She had a hard time breathing, just like her now. Kilpi chuckled sadly, her dual eyes gazing up through the somehow leaf-filled trees, the lofty skies cold and unforgiving. Where was the beauty in the world?

[Cascade]

It wasn't that Felix was particularly fond of the forest of love. In fact, just thinking the name inside her head was slightly cheesy and embarrassing to her. Unfortunately, this kind of setting was practically necessary for getting her message across. She hadn't had much luck anywhere else. Well...she hadn't had much luck, period. But anywhere else her clumsy attempts at romance had always been met with "Oh Felix, you are such a good friend." Not that there was anything wrong with friendship, and she certainly didn't think anyone owed her attraction, it was just...difficult. Difficult to try and try, knowing that the likelihood of any given attempt was so slim. A wolf in her position might be told to lower her standards. But Felix didn't want to find a mate just to check a box on the checklist of life. She wanted something real. And if she was old and grey before she found it then, well...that's just how it would have to be. But she hoped that in a place like this, a wolf might be able to put two and two together. And if all else failed, this forest was at least not touched as harshly by winter as the rest of the valley. A warm place to sleep was as good a consolation prize as any.

Felix had come across others in the forest—a few scattered males trying their luck, just like she was. She had wanted to stick around and chat for a while just to have the social interaction, but it felt like the wrong time and the wrong place for "just a talk." The implication was there, and she didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea, lonely as it was sometimes to be on one's own. She didn't want any male to get confused and think she was making a promise she knew she couldn't keep.

So she wandered, tiptoeing around the hopeless dead-ends, until a new stranger came into her view. A female, like her...brown, but not the way Felix was, so plain and unremarkable. This wolf had a curious pattern of striped running up and down her legs, and a green patch across her back. Many wolves in this valley looked like they had been touched by magic, something that Felix secretly envied. Beauty was more than one's appearance, but she did wonder in the back of her mind if others found her...drab.

"Good evening," she called out softly so as not to the alarm the wolf. This forest could be a scary place, as beautiful as it was. You never knew what was going to approach you or what their intentions were. Felix was relieved to see another female—the 'what if' broiled in the back of her mind, as it always did in a situation like this, but the more logical part of her told her that it was a long shot, and that just having a talk with someone who didn't expect any obligation to come of it would be a nice thing in and of itself.

"My name is Felix—I hope I am not bothering you, I promise I won't try to steal anyone away from you who might be interested," she chuckled good-naturedly, "But it's been a while since I've seen another wolf and I'd love to have someone to chat with for a little while."

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Kilpi lifted her head, the soft, shushing sound of an approaching wolf assaulted her ears. The sound wasn't a deliberate sneak, but certainly not a parade. Sniffing the air, she surveyed the newcomer. A well-toned, limber shewolf padded towards her. Her coat was a lovely chestnut color with the traditional markings of a timber wolf; Salt-and-Pepper guard hairs and a darker shoulder region. She was a pretty wolf, but in no way as outlandish as her family. She wasn't striking in any particular way and that made Kilpi relax for some reason, though her curiosity was automatically ignited. Her eyes were a light brown, and surveyed her with a hopeful, lonely look. She spoke, her voice friendly and welcoming. She introduced herself as Felix, then apologized if her entrance was halting a hopeful watch. Oh power, no. She was done with forth-coming males. "Oh, no. You're not interrupting anything. I've had my fill of males for a week at least!" Immediately Kilpi wondered if she shouldn't have mentioned the males. What else would a female be looking for in the forest of love if not a mate? But then again, here this shewolf was. Felix expressed her wish for a conversation companion, and Kilpi dipped her head. "I'd be happy to oblige. A talk would be nice." The russet shewolf tried in vain to hide a wince as she pushed her lungs a little to far. She'd have to get used to not breathing normally.

"I'm Kilpi, by the way," The shewolf hurried, realizing that she had left blank air. Her cheeks fluffed up in embarrassment. She hoped she wasn't ruining her chance of a normal conversation already. It really seemed that she had had bad luck recently. Perhaps she had been messing up her conversations and it wasn't just other wolves. Food for thought. She slowly heaved herself up into a sitting position, looking out onto the valley, across the land towards the reciprocal mountains. Somewhere out in those trees and grasslands was her family. She just felt it. They couldn't have left the valley. Her father had told her about the pull of the White Wolf Mountain, its Power and Magic. There was no way they left this wonderful place. Though was it really a good place if the only good experience she had had was when she was only a pup? Every day after that was filled with loneliness, fear, anxiety, and frustration. 'Not to mention I almost drowned.' The scrapes and scratches behind her ears were testament to that.

[Cascade]

She was happy to get off her feet, laying down at a respectful distance. This wolf—Kilpi, she said her name was—was very pretty, with daintier features than Felix's own. Inwardly, she wondered how such a wolf was still single. It was now that she noted one more unusual thing about this wolf. Well...unusual sounded a bit harsh, she didn't think of it in a bad way. But one exotic feature of this wolf was that she had two different colored eyes. One green, like the patch on her back, and one a fairly light blue. It made her face ever so slightly asymmetrical, something that Felix found rather charming.

Her ears perked up when Kilpi made a comment about having had enough males. "Oh? Are you saying that you have been popular lately, or that you had an unpleasant encounter?" She hoped it was the second one, and that Kilpi would share the details. There was nothing better than a good 'bad date' story, and Felix knew that some of the wolves in this valley were as bizarre as their rainbow-colored fur.

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"Popularly Unpleasant," Kilpi laughed mirthlessly, shaking her head, stomping a striped paw into the grass, her eyes narrowing, eyebrows furrowing. She tensed all over as she thought of the last few days. Darkmoon meeting her and attempting to seduce her, here of all places. The evil wolf appearing and opening her naive mind. Fleeing to the solemn Wild Water Falls, meeting a courteous Earendil. Darkmoon creepily stalking after her to declare his love. Nearly drowning. Being rescued by said males. A heated argument over her independence and right to love. Earendil abandoning her. Overall...not a good experience in the slightest. She could finally get it all out, maybe even put it behind her. Relaxing with an exasperated sigh, she looked up at Felix, relief in her eyes. "Well...awkwardly enough, it started here. Oh Power," She self-consciously licked her muzzle, her dual eyes flicking away from Felix's beautiful, mellow brown eyes. Those eyes, so deep with a strange spark. How could she meet them? Great Geist, especially talking about creepy males.

"It was night time, and a male offered me a place to stay. Foolishly, I accepted. When I was about to enter his den, an evil wolf came and protected me, warning me of the dangers of a male at night. I can tell you I left in a hurry. I thought that that was the end of it, I escaped to the Wild Water Falls only to have Darkmoon-that's his name by the way- follow me there," Kilpi felt more relaxed now, somehow she found herself laughing at the incident, her voice perhaps still slightly strained. "He apologized for being interrupted then proceeded to confess his love. I had just told him that I wasn't ready nor interested, trying to let him down easy. Which obviously didn't work." Kilpi laughed again, the next part she felt would be hard to explain, as she had fallen into the water and nearly drowned. Her heartbeat sped up just thinking about it. Everything about the encounter just brought frustration and anger.

[Cascade]

Felix gave Kilpi a concerned look as she began recounting her story. The poor girl looked like she had seen a ghost. What's worse, she seemed embarrassed that something bad had happened to her. "It's not your fault," Felix said reassuringly, "Today it was you, tomorrow it could be me."

As she continued, a small shiver ran down Felix's spine. A predatory male, a stalker...did she say he had confessed his love? "This wasn't a childhood friend or something, was it? the female asked, blinking incredulously, "This was someone you had just met?" She pictured in her mind the journey from where they were standing to the falls—that was a long way to follow someone. Maybe not as long if he had made a beeline right through the Frigid Plague territory, but she doubted that this 'Darkmoon' character would have managed that.

Felix suddenly felt eyes on her, and her head darted back and forth quickly to confirm that she and Kilpi were the only ones there. The story made Felix slightly worried that this stalker could have followed her back to the forest of love, but she tried to tell herself that it was just her overactive imagination.

"Well it sounds like you've been through the ringer." The brown female said after a moment of silence, a look of weary understanding on her face. "I'm sorry you had to go through that...some males just don't know how to take a hint." This was something that Felix had some experience in, although perhaps not for the same reasons that Kilpi might expect.

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Kilpi felt her chest expand like a swelling balloon at Felix's heartening words. That just what she needed. Somebody who would listen to her, give her advice. She needed some girl talk. She smiled gently, shaking her head with disdain for her own history. "He wasn't any wolf I knew, just a random loner probably accustomed to slavering over someone like me," The russet she wolf bowed her head, ashamed that she had been naive enough to let him get that far. Stupid enough to condone such behavior until it was nearly too late. Was she too nice? Could she ever say no? Was she too afraid to hurt feelings at risk of her own? Kilpi couldn't live like that, she had to stay true to herself and have a integral character. She wouldn't be dominated by her own pity for another, her feelings came first, not some strangers.

'Well it sounds like you've been through the ringer. I'm sorry you had to go through that...some males just don't know how to take a hint.' Felix looked sympathetic, understanding. She must've been through a similar encounter or two. She knew that many hardened wolves refused to take anyone's pity, despising weakness. But for Kilpi, weakness was totally unavoidable, and so she was at peace with that. Besides Felix's pity was something she needed right now. Sympathy, Empathy. Now it was her turn to be there for Felix. That is, if she opened up to her. "Anyway, enough about me and my problems, it sounds like you've been through your fair share of boy problems," She left her statement open ended, hoping that the warm, brown shewolf would take the opportunity to explain. Of course she didn't have to, but that would be quite unfair considering what Kilpi had shared. Maybe after that they would talk about more, get to know eachother...

[Cascade]

Felix leaned in as Kilpi spoke, she didn't want to miss a word. She was not a wolf who liked to be caught off-guard, but it was also because Kilpi was beautiful and captivating. She had a certain tentativeness to her at first that had given way to a good-humored openness. But Felix's own interest sent a creeping feeling down her spine, as if she was doing something wrong by masquerading as a friend. She had no dark intentions. She was not looking to lure any unsuspecting females back to her den for diabolical purposes. In her heart she was an honest wolf, but experience had forced her to prioritize safety over honesty. She didn't want to misrepresent herself to Kilpi—or anyone for that matter—but the reveal always momentarily paralyzed her.

"Well..." she said hesitantly after a few moments, languishing in the opening she had been given, "Some males think that persistence will win a wolf's heart, I have encountered some who stubbornly refused to take the hint. But my worst experiences are with males who, on paper, are perfect. Handsome and strong, the kind who don't know what to do with themselves when they are rejected, because they've always been the ones doing the rejecting." She was dancing around an elephant in the room that only she knew existed. "Er...not to say that I have impossible standards, I'm sure many of those wolves would make fine mates for some lucky girl. I just, uh..." After all this time she really should have come up with a script, words were failing her.

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Kilpi listened intently, watching with slight awe and definite curiosity the working muscles in Felix's face. The twitch of a clenching jaw, the flinch of an adverted gaze. Felix must feel uncomfortable sharing about her past, Kilpi would be too if her life had entailed anything. Sure she had had her run in with Darkmoon, but Felix must've had it worse. It seems she had been around the love-life circle more than once, meeting every kind of romance-inclined male. Did not a single one pique her interest. Kilpi did not pin Felix down as a wolf to isolate herself, after all she had approached her to talk. So what prevented her from accepting a male; even males that she even claimed were perfect on paper? The russet shewolf was confused to say the least. She wanted to pry, but Felix seemed to be struggling to get the words out and she didn't want to seem rude by interrupting what seemed to be an important thought.

And so, instead, she leaned in closer (quite awkwardly though she didn't know it), she was nearly nose to nose with Felix, her big hetero chrome eyes blinking with slight worry and encouragement. "Hey, it's okay. I won't judge," She whispered, nudging her nose under her new friends chin. A cool wind rushed over the two, rustling the pink cloaked branches above, sending an oddly romantic shower of rosy leaves onto the pair. The Forest of Love certainly held itself to a high standard. Every cricket seemed to be in on the guise, living, breathing, chirping solely for the purpose of setting a couple up. Kilpi blushed slightly, just thinking about herself in a relationship. She couldn't seem to imagine a single male by her side. In her mind it was her and...some wolf. The image was so irreversible blurred and dashed that she couldn't even make out the size and rough shape of the wolf beside her.

[Cascade]

Damn it all, Felix just couldn't get it out. She looked up at the sky forlornly—when she had courage, she had no opportunity. Now that an opportunity was in front of her, her courage was failing. What a cruel joke. She glanced back at Kilpi and sighed inwardly in admiration at the look of pure compassion in her eyes. Felix could tell that she was a kind-hearted wolf the way she looked at her, wanting to help in any way she could.

The brown female sucked in her breath sharply when Kilpi nuzzled up underneath her chin. The gesture was so unexpected, and Kilpi's scent was like a bouquet of the most beautiful, unearthly flowers beneath her nose. Not wanting to scare her with her sudden reaction, Felix followed suit and nuzzled back lightly into Kilpi's soft fur, but she felt a pang of guilt in spite of wanting so badly to drink in this moment of physicality with a beautiful girl that she had, until then, only dreamed about. It felt like a lie of omission...Felix didn't want to take advantage of anyone, she didn't want to dirty this pure moment with secrecy.

"Please don't be alarmed...I just want to be truthful." A beat as Felix gathered all of her courage, hoping that this would get easier with time, "I have never seen myself taking a male as my mate. I do want love in my life, if I should be so lucky, but I have always pictured a female by my side. I came to the forest of love in search of a matching piece for my unusual puzzle...a patient, kind, and loyal female to become my mate." Exhaling shakily, Felix tried to commit the feeling of another female's touch to memory before Kilpi pulled away.

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Felix nuzzled Kilpi as well, accepting her sympathy. Felix was silent for a moment, and Kilpi leaned closer but to the side to nudge her neck in reassurance. They couldn't see eachother and as they faced the opposite the brown speckled shewolf began to speak. Her voice was shaky yet strong, unsure but resilient. She just wanted to be truthful. What? Was she lying about something? Kilpi pulled back, a suspicious look in her dual colored eyes. Kilpi didn't need to be lied to. She wasn't about to let her heart be ripped out. Of course that had never actually happened to her, but she still clammed up. Felix began again and the shewolf searched her face. Kilpi's hardened face softened to an expression of shock. It wasn't disbelief, but more like freezing up. A female by her side. It all made sense now. No...not sense. It clicked. All the males that had professed heir love and admiration for her but had been turned away. The strange, lidded glances that Kilpi had passed off as the mark of uncomfortable, unforgettable experiences. A female as a mate? Was that-? How could-? It had never occurred to her once that there was even another option. Kilpi had thought that it was either find a male or die alone.

At this moment she didn't know how to feel. Her jaws parted in shock, her eyes wide. She couldn't think, even so millions of thoughts rushed through her mind, none of them having enough time to register. Finally they slowed down and sounds began to break through the static, making their way past her teeth. "I-you-uh-hm-wha..." She couldn't properly articulate what was happening, her words not coming and her neurons firing at a rapid, unorganized pace. "I didn't even know that you could...I...wow." The shewolf shook her head her eyes refusing to even blink. She wasn't disturbed or disgusted. She was...amazed. Perplexed. In awe.

[Cascade]

Felix tensed up as Kilpi pulled away, feeling a mixture of shame and frustration. Shame for the predictable turn of events, and frustration for feeling ashamed. She knew she was not a predator or one who would trick a coerce a female into doing anything untoward, so why did she always feel like she had done something wrong whenever something like this happened? She knew she was a good person. She wasn't doing anything bad just by wanting love in her life. This is what she told herself often, although she failed to convince herself on most days.

Felix looked down a bit, not totally turning away from Kilpi but not making eye contact either. She seemed...absolutely baffled. Shocked. Whether it was a bad kind of shock or just surprise, Felix honestly couldn't tell. But she truly did not want to keep up this agony of continually apologizing for who she was, so for the first time she decided to defend herself.

"It might seem strange to some, but I am a wolf just like any other. I want what any wolf wants—to live a peaceful life with a steady supply of food and a companion. I want to feel the joy of being loved and to give love back to someone with whom I can share my most intimate thoughts and feelings. I just want to live a full and happy life with the short time that a wolf has allotted in this world." She was not angry at all. Pleading almost—she didn't need Kilpi to see her as a potential mate, she just wanted to be seen as a normal wolf and not an aberration.

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Kilpi blinked some more, trying to finally wrap her mind around this new possibility. She had to calm down, she didn't want to offend her new friend. They had shared a moment, it would be incredibly rude to start viewing her differently just because she didn't feel any romantic feelings for males. She didn't deserve to be treated with mistrust and suspicion after bearing her soul. And Kilpi wouldn't be caught dead close minded. "I think I understand, I'm sorry for acting so surprised, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." The russet she wolf nudged her friend with her nose, trying to get her to look back up. She hoped she hadn't ruined their conversation or budding friendship with her actions. That would surely put a rotten cap on her day.

"Thanks for being honest with me, forgive me for my actions...I don't want to end this conversation. Let's just...keep talking. Okay?" Kilpi searched Felix's face, trying to find a way to reach out to her. With the revelation dawned on her, so many doors were opened. Perhaps she wouldn't be alone, perhaps she could finally control herself and her life.