Silent Siren [Tagged]

[Meds]

Cascade

DeSoto;

DeSoto needed a minute. All that time with Nanouk over by the Wildwater had really done a number on him. He was still plagued by the confusion that had been rife within that encounter, but a little bit of distance was so far doing wonders. He had found himself on a direct route to the Bleak Bluffs. It had been a long walk, bringing him around the mountain and through the Barrens, but once he had arrived, he knew this had been his destination. The territory was unclaimed, but DeSoto could see the ruins of what used to be dens spread throughout the field of stones. There were a couple of trees as well, that would provide some greenery and sound when the wind whistled through their sparse leaves, but other than that all was silent. He liked that. He needed that.

Silence.

It had always been curious, to DeSoto, that Geist had gifted him—a wolf not-so forthcoming with the words—Siren. That was the complete opposite of silence. Then again, it had not so much hindered him as it had made him think—and DeSoto was a thinker above all else, so he appreciated the gift as much as if it had been what he had originally requested. In fact, so many seasons had passed since his meeting that he couldn't even remember his original desire. It did not matter, as it was long in the past.

But he was at peace here, surrounded by the summer air, a cooling breeze, and the bright sun. There was no confusion, or second-guessing. He had a small grouse under his paw that he had snatched up a few minutes before, and he was just working up the hunger to start eating.
DeSoto lifted his head to the blue sky, still bright though evening was approaching, and let out a contented sigh.

[Cascade]

The air shimmered angrily above the rocks of the outcrop, and there was hardly any sound except for the hum of cicadas which droned on unnoticed in the back of Perjury's brain. As the sun burned high in the sky, the sparse brown foliage rattled in the slight breeze to an audience of no one. The ghost of the territory stretched further than her eye could see, even from her vantage point, and was still so small next to the enormity of her grief.

The truth that she had been shutting out of her heart was that her failure was not something that had suddenly befallen her. Year after year, in what she naively thought were her glory days, the foundation was being laid for this sad and lonely outcome. Their allies, what she prided herself on so deeply...did she even know any of their names? Or had she put her whole heart into Treason and traipsed through life on the assumption that sole bond comprised an alliance. Treason's fall had brought decades of history crashing into the dirt, and Perjury had only herself to blame. The bluffs' vanished denizens laughed in whispers on the breeze that coiled around her ear, and she shook her head with discomfort.

Her pups...how old were they? How much time had she lost shuffling from day to day in the absence of Treason and Vanitas? In her mind, she saw her daughters nodding politely as she recited stories about their father. She ached for them to know him like she had, but they were just too young when they lost him. He could never be more than a symbol to them, but they pretended to remember just to see the relief in her eyes.

Although the day was one of the hottest of the season, Perjury felt a chill. She shook herself out of her stupor and stood, gazing across the fields of scrub of rock. At some point during her reverie another wolf had come; in her haze she had picked up the vibrations of his footsteps in the earth without consciously registering them. She did not make a move, but waited for him to come upon her.

[Meds]

DeSoto;

The navy male shut his eyes on the rocky world before him. Shutting his eyes had become a more frequent practice as of late, it would seem. DeSoto had never been one to hide from that which was before him—but when what was before him caused so much confusion and pain, well, perhaps a slow blink was in order.

The worst of it all, was he didn't know what was supposed to come next. Did he go back and find Nanouk? Try and work out his... feelings... with her? Or was it something he had to do alone? The trouble was that if he really was feeling things (if that's what the pain in his body was from), he didn't know what they meant or how to properly deal with them. The black and gold female's first observation that perhaps his training had made him weak after all was finally starting to make sense.
DeSoto was learning anger more quickly than the rest, though. It was coming much easier than sadness, confusion, or fear—for even in wolves who had grown up letting their emotions run free, those and ones similar to them often got intermingled. But DeSoto did not have that advantage. He was learning all of this in the moment, like a pup with behavioral problems.

But anger? Oh, anger was compensating. DeSoto was angry that he didn't understand the other emotions, so he had already gotten quite a lot of practice with anger.

After a while of this line of thinking, he opened his eyes and sighed once more. He had been staring at and facing the same spot for minutes on end by now, and he supposed the rocks weren't getting any more interesting. With a slight grunt, he bent and picked the grouse up in his teeth and turned to leave—and saw Perjury.
DeSoto froze, near-black eyes wide. For a half-breath, he wasn't sure it was even her—but then her scent reached him, and without a second thought he leaped forward over the sharp rocks. The grouse was dropped and forgotten, and in moments DeSoto had closed a large portion of the gap between them. He stilled when he got closer, keeping himself quiet and collected as usual and as expected when in an Alpha's presence, and sat. He gave a deep nod, then straightened and squared his angled shoulders.

"Alphess."

It was only one word, but behind it was a lifetime's worth of respect.

[Cascade]

Perjury was somewhat surprised to see a familiar face come into view. DeSoto, one of her own. The alphess couldn't imagine that there was much of anything for him here; she had not done her job to engender bonds between the Frigid Plague and the Honovi wolves. She didn't suppose that he had come here just to see her—in fact, she had told no one that she was departing the redwood forest for the bluffs. More likely it was just one of life's little coincidences.

"DeSoto," she replied to his simple greeting. He was an interesting wolf, one who reminded her of Vanitas in some ways. She hadn't had as much interaction with him as she should have...perhaps it was those similarities that made it difficult for her to be around him. Lately, she had made herself scarce and hadn't shown her face around anyone. It was unbecoming of an alphess to put her grief on display. How weak she would have looked.

His greeting was firm and direct, but she could tell in his eyes that his thoughts were elsewhere. She could say the same for herself. "Come to clear your head?" She asked, dropping the pretense of formality and beckoning him to be at ease.

[Meds]

DeSoto;

As she said his name, DeSoto felt his chest swell. He was careful to lower himself into the cool-familiarity of not showing his emotions or thoughts, but he did feel some pride that she remembered his name. Of course, any halfway decent Alphess remembered her subjects—but still. He kept his head level, not-quite looking her in the eyes, until a nod and a friendly statement showed him it was alright to drop the formality.
He nodded in response to her question, exhaling in barely-concealed frustration.

"I'll admit to that," He said evenly, casting his eyes out over the rocky bluffs once more and flicking his navy ears.
"Lately I've... had a lot on my mind. It seems that nowhere was quite far enough, so I came out here. It's..." He looked around at both the ruins of old dens, and the general air of dilapidation that the territory exhibited. "Quiet, here." He allowed a half-smile to crook one corner of his mouth, though it was more rueful than joyful. It was true, though. He had met Nanouk at every possible turn, first the Ruins and then the Falls... he was in no way prepared to meet with her again so soon, so that's why he had traveled so far.

"And yourself, Alphess?" DeSoto almost stopped himself, being unsure whether or not it was proper to question her, but ultimately decided that it was a harmless surface question. "What brings you here?"

[Cascade]

Nowhere quite far enough...Perjury could relate. There was no way that DeSoto could understand how much this place meant to her. In fact, she was the last one alive who could. A decades-long alliance had been shattered into the dust under her rule. For all the power she had, it was this shameful thing that would be her legacy. What a thing to have to come to terms with. But she didn't want to bog him down with her inner demons.

"I can appreciate the feeling of wanting to get away once in a while. I love our forest dearly, but lately I have felt boxed in by it. The only other place I could think to come was here." She looked in his direction, crossing one of her front paws over the other in an effort to appear more relaxed than she actually was. She had accepted the weight of her turmoil, but she had no need to put it on display for all to see.

DeSoto was not unusually large for a wolf, but he towered over her nonetheless. Perjury had grown as much as she ever would, and was still such a tiny thing. Generally she kept herself in good shape, but her grief had eaten away somewhat at her compactly muscular form. Her ribs showed beneath her fur, just a bit, just enough to hint at there being something wrong. Nonetheless, it brought a slight smile to her lips to think of how a stranger would no doubt think that DeSoto would easily overpower her in combat, when in truth she could crush him. She loved being underestimated.

But there was no need for that kind of thinking on this occasion. And in fact, the thought of burying anyone beneath the earth right now made her feel slightly ill in a way that bypassed any physical symptoms and cut right to her soul. She stifled the thought.

"What has you so conflicted?" she asked, genuinely seeking the answer. And, conspicuously, avoiding the question of her own motivations for being here...at least for now.

[Meds]

((Ok, yes, this is difficult. I'm PRETTY sure that the conclusion from DeSoto and Nanouk's current thread is that he would like to be romantically involved with her one day, but doesn't know how. As of now, that's the conclusion. So I'm just going to base off of that, and if perchance it changes, we can just say that happened after this thread))

DeSoto;

Perjury explained that she had lately felt locked-in by their pack's forest home. DeSoto could understand that. He, too, had been straying farther and farther from their border, partly looking for Perjury herself, and partly to satisfy some deep desire within him. What it was, he still didn't know. But it was on one of these wanderings that he had met Nanouk. And that, for sure, had opened up an entirely new host of problems. He didn't want to think about that, though—that was why he had come here in the first place.

Perjury crossed one paw in front of the other, and DeSoto felt an unidentifiable emotion at the thought of her being casual when in conversation with him—even with something as little as a movement like that. It made him feel more confident, as well as more fulfilled. He hadn't spent nearly as much time as he would have liked with his Alphess, and he would take everything he could get. The slight change in position gave DeSoto a clearer view of her sides. He was momentarily struck by the sight of her ribs just peeking through her fur, which then drew his eyes to her shoulders, slightly more curved than the last time they had met. DeSoto didn't allow his thoughts to show on his face, for he still had some idea of who he used to be, but he had taken note. Anything wrong with her felt wrong to him, and there was a piece of him that felt the desire to help if possible.
But then she spoke, and he redirected his attention to topics that she was interested in discussing.

"What has you so conflicted?"
Ahh, there it was.
DeSoto's ear flicked almost too-quickly to see. So he was to think about Nanouk, after all. Somehow, he didn't think his Alphess really wanted to hear about his problems; but then again, she had asked. He cleared his throat with one quiet cough, searching for a moment how best to approach the subject. The last thing he wanted to do was lie to her, but there was some formality that called for skirting around the bulk of the subject.

"In all honesty—" He started, hating having to be real with himself, and worse, to say it out-loud. "—A female."

[Cascade]

(OOC: It's a bird, it's a plane, it's...Cas actually replying to an RP thread!!!)

Of all things, Perjury never suspected DeSoto of being a wolf whose heart could be set aflutter. It was almost endearing to see as stoic a wolf as him so deep in turmoil over a female, and it felt to Perjury like this was a side to him that he rarely showed, something that she was lucky to catch a glimpse of.

"So it's love." she murmured.

Inwardly, she tried to imagine this secret partner. It must be some caliber of wolf to crack DeSoto's shell. Was it just that which was causing him to be so conflicted? Did he not wish to give himself over to love because of the vulnerability others might see in him for opening up his heart? That was something that Perjury could understand. Whatever she and Vanitas had, it paled in comparison to the life they could have shared. That night they had shared in the forest of love was like a business transaction...a gift of heirs to carry on her bloodline. And now...well. That would have to be one more regret to hold in her heart until her dying breath.

"What are you afraid this will mean for you?"

[Meds]

DeSoto;

DeSoto felt his Alphess' eyes on him. He almost turned to her and met that gaze, but could not quite find it within himself, after what he had just uttered. Yes, there was something to be said for a friendly and casual conversation—but it was quite another thing to begin making assumptions. Eye contact was not to be shared among unfamiliar beasts, and DeSoto would almost rather die than cause Perjury to believe him disrespectful.
In any case, her next words pulled his gaze to her like glue, as if she had a power over him as well, instead of just the land. Love? .. Did DeSoto even have a feeling to equate to such a word?

She then dug further, as only an earthen elemental could do, and asked him what he was afraid of. There was another word he wasn't as familiar with as some might assume. Afraid. Fear. Indeed, before meeting Nanouk he could have honestly said that if he ever had felt such a thing, it was so fleeting it almost escaped notice.
But now?
He sighed, frustrated with himself, but wanting to answer his Alphess. Blood-deep training to obey his betters, it seemed, was even stronger than the attempt made to burn all emotions out of him.
"I—" His voice died in his throat, curse the thing. He glanced once at Perjury's small frame, then up to the sky at large. "Many things, I suppose."

She knew little of him; indeed, this was only their second, perhaps third, meeting since he joined the pack so long before. How much could he reveal of himself without seeming weak, or worse, too friendly? Of course, if she asked, he would spill his guts to her—but in the effort of keeping things light and breezy, he tried to relax.

"In my past, I went through—quite a lot of training. That training was, indeed, the entirety of my past." Training to become a Beta had been his reality, and nothing much else. "Emotions were one of the things that had no room in my life. Though unfortunately, this female... it would seem that she has not only unlocked those emotions from within me..." He cleared his throat, aware that he did not want to monopolize this conversation. "But heightened them. Basically, to cut short a long account of my suffering... I suppose I am afraid that letting this female in would mean losing sight of more important things; or worse, losing the capability for such things."
He would not normally have opened up like that, but Perjury, being his Alphess, had a little bit more pull with DeSoto. He didn't meet her eyes again, but instead looked around at their dry and rocky surroundings.

[Cascade]

Perjury listened without interrupting as DeSoto verbalized his feelings. How funny it was that evil wolves went down this path so often. It particularly struck her when he revealed his true fear...that he would lose sight of the important things in life. The irony was so brazen that she could have laughed, if it were not also so cruel.

"Did you ever meet Vanitas?" The alphess asked when he had finished speaking, not particularly listening for an answer. "He was the beta of the Frigid Plague, my friend and confidante, and my daughters' father." How long had it been now? Her mind was hazy trying to think. Several months, at least. Yes, it must have been winter. Snow was falling as she buried him.

"I was very concerned with my bloodline and the leadership of the pack. I did not want to leave the pack leaderless if something were to happen to me, so I spent most of my time focused on training Narcotic to someday take my place. In a way, I was planning my own death more than I was living my life. And Vanitas...we had a good working relationship, I thought. Having pups together was a logical move. The pack had a need, and we fulfilled it. It was the practical thing to do. I thought that once the pups were grown I would re-open the discussion of our personal relationship. We were young still. I thought I had all the time in the world."

The alphess looked up at DeSoto, staring directly into his gaze. Her bright gold eyes were piercing. "I found him dead in some tall grass. Neck snapped by god knows what, maybe one mile from home. Now I sit atop the fallen tree and survey my vast, empty land. And I wonder what I was waiting for."

[Meds]

DeSoto;

She listened quietly and respectfully; indeed, DeSoto hadn't expected any different. Though she said nothing, it felt almost that she understood. And if not understood, then at least sympathized. Sympathy. Pah. Who would have guessed that DeSoto would turn out to be the kind of wolf to evoke such feelings?
He hated the idea, and so tried his best to convince himself that it wasn't the case.

Perjury asked him a question then, and named a wolf whom DeSoto had never met. He shook his head gently in reply. That wolf must have been before his time. She explained, saying that this Vanitas had been a friend, an associate, and also... a mate? No, she hadn't sued that word. DeSoto watched closely, listening to her explanation. She opened up even more than he had, it would seem.
Some small piece of his mind that wasn't focused entirely on the words of his Alphess swelled with pride at the thought that the great Perjury would tell him such things. This could only mean that, even if she didn't see him as Beta material, necessarily... she saw him as an able-pack member. His near-black eyes sparkled for a half-moment.

When she then came to the end of her explanation, the death of this Vanitas, DeSoto sucked a breath through his teeth. A broken neck. Capable, efficient... quiet. DeSoto would be lying if he said he had never resorted to such measures—but within the valley? No. ANd to a wolf of Perjury's friendship? Never.

It hadn't been long before—the winter, she said. Indeed, not before DeSoto's time; during... but they had never crossed paths. Though the thought that such deceit could have bee so rife within his pack, and while he was close at had, too... it was almost too much.
"As I said... I am not used to emotions—feeling things... And therefore I cannot even imagine the torment and horror such an event must have caused you." He had heard others say such things before... but in DeSoto's case, it was true. He couldn't even imagine it. Perhaps if Nanouk were to die he would feel things like that—but anger was the only emotion he could guess, and indeed the only one he was as-yet familiar with. "And you've no idea who..." He didn't finish. Of course she didn't. If she did, and if she had cared for this Vanitas as much as she said... the culprit would no longer be alive. He was sure. It was a silly question, and yet...

There was some part of him that wanted to find the wolf responsible. Not for himself, no, as he had already considered, Vanitas meant nothing to him. No, it would be for Perjury. The wolf DeSoto now knew only by name and reputation suddenly mattered to him, if only because he had mattered to Perjury.
DeSoto found himself staring right back into Perjury's piercing eyes. He didn't voice his thoughts this time—he didn't want her to think he was assuming he was more capable than her (a laughable idea). But a small fire had lit within him; though how to feed it, he wasn't yet sure.

[Cascade]

DeSoto was not a wolf who could easily accept his own humanity. The very thought of having feelings for another wolf looked almost torturous to him. It played across his face like a horrorshow. DeSoto...a wolf with emotions. If she weren't presently in the process of ripping open her own emotional wounds, she might have smiled at the silliness of it.

She shook her head. "The trail was long cold by the time I found him. He had no enemies that I know of; we'd kept to ourselves for quite some time. He was fully focused on raising our daughters...there was no time to be out causing trouble and making a bad reputation for himself." Her heart ached with regret. Her own mother and father had such a warm, loving relationship that had defied all expectations of 'evil' to every outsider who met them. It was a love that had formed Perjury into the wise, capable leader she was instead of a mindless killer. It was a love that Perjury had never allowed herself to feel with Vanitas for reasons that seemed so foolish in hindsight.

"DeSoto, you should embrace the feelings that you have for this female. What a loss it would be to spend your precious few years as a mortal on this earth, never having allowed yourself the fullest experience of life. To dull your emotions is no different than to render yourself blind or deaf. If you would not gouge out your own eyes, you should not cut yourself off from your own heart."

The alphess stood, feeling very strongly that she could no longer be here in the ghost of the Honovi land. She turned towards home, the tall trees of her familiar forest just visible on the horizon. "As for myself...I can not continue to dwell in the past. There will always be a space left by Vanitas that cannot be filled. But that does not mean the Frigid Plague must become stagnant. I'd like you to take the mantle of beta and help me carry our pack through this age of transition. We have no ally anymore, we must rely on ourselves. Are you prepared to prove to me that I have made the right choice?"

[Meds]

DeSoto;

DeSoto kept his face passive, but his insides churned at Perjury's words. He couldn't place what he was feeling—it was all so new to him—but he figured it must have been something like, oh, what was the word? Sadness? Yes, perhaps that was the word... but he himself had no reason to feel sorrow over another wolf's suffering. He wasn't yet so soft as all that. No, it was something else...
Empathy?
Yes, that was the word. He was sad because she was sad. Somehow, though he had no idea how or why, DeSoto was sharing in Perjury's feelings of grief. It was curious. Apparently one's own emotion was not enough—they had to be subjected to others' as well. He was dwelling on these thoughts when Perjury spoke up again, interrupting his train of thought.

Hearing such words from his Alphess took his breath away for a half-moment. She would tell him to go forth with Nanouk? To embrace the confusion that so often threatened to choke him? But she continued, and made an inescapably good point—even if it hadn't come from his Alphess. He glanced up when she finished, seeing the truth of the statement.
He supposed, when it was put that way; well, he really wouldn't gouge out his own eyes. What an interesting thought to have placed within his mind...

Before he could even register it though, or agree (if that was the sort of thing that needed a verbal agreement), Perjury then asked him a question that stole what remained of his breath.
Just like that, in the middle of a dried-up and dead land, she asked him to become the Beta of her pack. Not just that, but she voiced aloud her hope that he would help Frigid Plague through a difficult time and transition. DeSoto blinked, swallowed, breathed—just to be sure he still could.
Not only was Perjury asking him a question that he had worked his entire life to hear—she was doing so in a way that made DeSoto confident that she knew of and trusted his abilities, such that they were. His face remained a calm passive (for he still had remarkable control over his expressions), but inwardly it was as if the sun had risen early.

"I would be more than honored, Alphess Perjury, to fulfill this position for you and for Frigid Plague. And yes—until you are satisfied, I shall not cease until you are satisfied in your decision." His sharp blue ears flicked. "I can confidently provide you with anything you would need—be it planning, hunting, strategist, or otherwise." Confidently was an extraordinary understatement. DeSoto had been selected and trained, since birth, for this very moment.