Reunited at Last (Tagged)

[Calypso]

Nanouk...

She had come so far...it had taken so long...how long had it been now? A few days? A few weeks? A few seasons? She couldn't remember anymore. After her visit to the White Wolves last Winter, she had seemingly disappeared without a trace. It was kind of hard to believe. She knew what many would say. How could you just up and leave without saying anything? What were you thinking? You're an irresponsible mate and Gamma!

When she thought about it, it was true. Granted, she wasn't anyone's mate technically. But she was a Gamma, and an irresponsible one at that. What would Koa say? Or Epicenter? Or...Desoto. Desoto. He had been on her mind for so long that she was surprised that he hadn't consumed her mind entirely. She felt terrible about leaving him behind and she didn't know how she would explain her disappearance, to him or to her pack. Had anything changed? Then again, she shouldn't be focused on that stuff right now. She had other things to worry about.

The black and gold she-wolf limped towards the center of the valley, her head hung low, her long flowing tail unmoving behind her, and her eyes blank. She had already gone passed what she assumed was the Longgrass territory and was now nearing the territory of Frigid Plague. She needed to see him...

Finally, she saw the pack's border ahead of her. But she stopped. She didn't step a foot in their land, but rather collapsed right next to the border in the snow. She could still feel patches of her fur matted with blood around her left eye and her right ear, but she ignored it. She also felt her stomach screaming in hunger and her throat dry like a desert. But she had to wait. She had to wait for him. She knew he would come. He always did when she wanted him to...

Meds

(I hope you don't mind, but I could not wait to make this. I don't even know if either of us have any thread spots available, but I would have forgotten if I didn't make it now.)

[Meds]

DeSoto;

Patrolling the border of his pack had fallen to DeSoto's list of duties. Perjury had disappeared for good and all this time it would seem, and DeSoto was no longer holding his breath. He had gotten the Beta-ship, he had achieved his goal. What was it to him if he had no captain to follow?
It was everything, really... but how long was he expected to hold his breath for a wolf that wasn't coming back? No, he was a Beta now, and with that came responsibilities. In times such as this the pack fell to him, and lead it he would, and with a strong paw as well.

DeSoto had been considering his own reality more often as of late. Now that he had a whole host of emotions at his beck and call... he sometimes wondered what to do with them all. He no longer felt like he lacked anything; rather, he now knew exactly what it was like to be a fully emotional wolf. Some were still new, such as those that he did not often feel (fear, jealousy, happiness for example), but he felt confident that he was no longer a pup struggling to feel. However... lately, since Nanouk had disappeared... those emotions he had worked so hard to unlock, had started becoming scarce once more. Not by accident, no, DeSoto worked quite hard to block out feeling.
Because where had she gone?
If he didn't feel anything, he could ignore the pain that had slowly began to eat away at his insides. Fear, doubt, confusion, anger, sadness, heartbreak... all things that got in the way of him ruling over Frigid Plague.

So it was a wolf not unlike the wolf that had first met Nanouk that scanned the border that day. This time, however, it was even more dangerous... for now he wasn't just a machine, made to feel nothing. He was an informed machine that had made the conscious choice to feel nothing.
Whether it truly was a choice, or if it was just him losing hold of everything they had worked on together remained a mystery.

Winter.
Pah.
DeSoto did not fear winter.

His eyes flicked over the surroundings, his fur appearing more blue than black as all of the white light surrounding him often illuminated his coat. His mouth was held closed but slightly quirked, his eyes narrowed a hair's breadth. It was the expression of one who was secure in their position, and who knew just how much powerful they held. Proud? Perhaps... Confident? Extremely.
He was on higher ground, looking over the border, when he saw her.
Just a flash of gold at first, but even that colour, so rare in the winter months, was enough to bring him to his feet. It wasn't an excited or hurried stride that carried him towards the border—but he had seen gold. And gold could mean that it was Nanouk. He moved slowly, and with a purpose, but didn't really expect to see her. He had already met a handful of gold-coloured wolves that had been mistakenly frightened away by his wrath at being let down. But eventually he got used to the sinking feeling in his stomach, and eventually even became able to lock it away.

This time, however, as he rounded the corner... it was her. His long, graceful pawfalls stilled, and one angled ear gave a flick. She was laying at the border (for he hadn't seen her collapse), but to her credit hadn't passed over.
"Nanouk," The voice that greeted her was business-like, and with no real air of familiarity. The smallest hint of the scent of blood reached his nose, but he thought nothing of it.

[Calypso]

Nanouk;

Fear. Anger. Confusion. Desperation. Loneliness. All of these things had been built up inside her for the last few seasons. She had felt so many things the day she disappeared, and all of thode things would disappear and return with a vengeance on a daily basis. Even now. The black and gold she-wolf laid there in the snow, exhausted, starving, thirsty, and...lonely.

She had been alone for nearly two seasons now. Her time away from the valley was not an experience she wanted to remember, yet she knew she would never forget.

That journey had scarred her, both physically and emotionally. She had encountered a wolf that she previously thought dead. She remembered him so well. She had watched him take everything from her, and she thought that she had taken everything from him as well. Though, it seemed she was wrong. He was indeed alive, much to her dismay. He was out there somewhere. She had chased him from the valley, but he was by no means dead...again.

She couldn't even count how many times during her disappearance she had battled the wolf. It seemed like that was all she had done the entire time, though that was exaggerated. Multiple times she was injured, but none of them were extremely major. It wasn't until her last encounter with him that she would never live down. Half of her right ear...gone. A part of her vision...gone. Nanouk couldn't recall how long ago that had been. But she had never took care of any of it. Her ear became stained with her own blood, the fur around her eyes crusted and stained.

But now, here she laid, laying in her own agony. So many things were going through her head. Koa. Her pack mates. Her family. Desoto. It was all jumbled in her mind, causing one of the worst headaches she had ever experienced. Yet she didn't seem fazed. She was waiting. Patiently. She had so many things she could be doing at that moment, properly taking care of herself being one of them. Yet here she was. Collapsed at the Frigid Plague border. Waiting for a wolf who may not even be there anymore.

Had he thought of her? What was he thinking during that time that she was gone? Did he think she was dead? Had he moved on from her? Had he forgotten her completely...?

All of these thoughts suddenly disappeared as a familiar voice filled her ears. At the sound of that deep voice, a voice she had nearly forgotten, she weakly lifted her head, looking up to find him. He was there. He was alive. A small smile formed at the corners of her mouth and her eyes reflected a very fragile happiness.

"De...Des..oto, " her voice rasped and was full of pain. Yet, hinted through her mere words was something she hadn't felt for nearly a whole year. Relief and joy.

But even from the small amount of movement that she had just done, she grew tired. She laid her head back on the cold snow, the skin beneath her fur practically numbed. She still remained looking at him, her eyes gazing at him as if he were an angel come to remove her from her suffering. That wasn't true, of course, for Desoto was no angel. He never was. More than likely he never would be. Not for her. Not for anyone. Perhaps it was better that way. For now, she kept her gaze focused on him. A comforting sight for sore eyes, despite the fact that half of him was blurry.

[Meds]

DeSoto;

DeSoto had practiced what he would say to her thousands of times (a day). He wouldn't take her back. If she ever showed her face again, he wouldn't give her the time of day. It is one thing to open up a wolf to his own emotions like a cracked carcass on a summer day, but it is quite another to leave him with them. It had been a nightmare. Indeed, DeSoto was not one to have nightmares. But in the first season that Nanouk had gone, he had been plagued by them. That had been his first indicator that perhaps all was not right. The two had gone seasons without seeing each other before—but something about that first Spring without her was hell. Yes, he had all manner of things he would say to her. He would tell her just how he felt, shout at her, snarl at her, then turn and walk away, and never see her again.

But all of that melted away when he heard her voice. It was only when she turned to him and he saw her injuries, recognized the scent of blood as belonging to her. His face reflected no emotions, as it rarely did—but in that moment it wasn't necessarily a choice. DeSoto had fallen back into some bad (and easy) habits. But his breath exited his lungs quietly, and he moved with swift determination. He stepped over the border, straight to her. Never mind proper distances, never mind if this was actually an ambush (for he didn't know where she had got off to. This could have all been a ruse).
He was by her side in less than two seconds. His body was terribly strong, though he might not look it, and with one swift movement (as gentle as could be, though perhaps not that soft), he had dug his angled snout underneath her and hoisted her over his shoulders. His eyes were blank, but he turned without a word and swiftly made his way back through the territory. Frigid Plague was much more understanding than Midnight Silence anyway, but in that moment he didn't care. He would kill the first wolf to try and stop him.

—

After a time, the two wolves came to DeSoto's own den. It wasn't much, for he was rarely in it, but it was dry and it was safe. With both of them inside, it would be warm as well. He crawled past the rocks he had dug beside, Nanouk still on his back, until he deposited her softly and slowly into the back corner of the den.
It was only then that he came back to himself and felt the first sliver of doubt—should he be doing this? Would she just disappear again?
But the doubt was silenced either by the habits he had formed at locking out any sort of feeling, or whether the doubt was simply wrong and a deep part of him knew that. Whatever the case, he laid down beside her, blocking her from view of the entrance, and began cleaning her wounds.

[Calypso]

Nanouk;

In a way, it was hard to look at him in that moment. Then again, what had she expected? Did she really think she would return to the valley, run into Desoto, fall together in a pile of glee and love happily ever after in each others' arms? Perhaps that was her wishes and dreams making a fool of her. Regardless, she knew better just by looking at him. His face was emotionless. When he had seen her and spoke her name, he sounded as if he were only addressing her as the Beta of a pack, questioning why a stranger was by his land. Was she a stranger to him now? Had he just completely forgotten about her? Somehow she didn't doubt it. What she had done to him was a mistake, and she knew this. Would he even understand if she explained herself? Would he believe her or think she was lying? Did he even care...

It was then that she watched him quickly and quietly come to her side. She could feel what he did and felt her aching body get hauled up onto his shoulders. In the back of her mind, she wanted to protest. She didn't deserve his help. She had abandoned him. Left him by himself to deal with what she had started. She couldn't lie to herself. In a way, she almost wished he would put her back down and leave her there. Perhaps she would eventually get up. Maybe the wolf she had chased would come back and eat her. Or maybe she would just die at the border, watching as one of the most important wolves in her life walked away from her. It would be painful, more painful than any of her injuries. But she would deserve it.

Despite all this, she didn't move or protest. She merely let it happen, her head resting on his shoulder as he carried her.

When they reached his den, she still had not spoke. She had basically become a puppet, just letting her controller do what they pleased. After she had been laid down, she could hardly see anything around her. But that was probably better than the blinding white snow. She then felt a warmth beside her, which she could only assume was Desoto. She felt him start to clean her, but she still remained just how he had set her. The only movement from her was the rise and fall of her skinny torso as she breathed. Her eyes, for the longest time, stared at the wall of the den, unblinking and unmoving. One might have assumed that she died right then if not for her breathing.

"Why...why did you...save me..., " her voice was quiet, though loud enough for him to hear. Momentarily, her voice seemed drenched in a sadness. Though she knew better. More than likely, he didn't xare about what she was feeling. Did he even know what sadness was? What did he know about? What had he learned from her before he disappeared? If anything, was it still there? Or had it all faded away like she did.

[Meds]

((Please tell me Reaper had her in some horrible maze of terror and just kept chasing her and letting her go and chasing her again. My heart.))

DeSoto;

Were DeSoto the sort of wolf to feel and give in to fear, the lifelessness that Nanouk exhibited would have frozen him to his core. Something had happened to her out there. So thin, so thin, injured, in shock... She moved but little as he cleaned off the worst of it, some of the blood old as if it had been there for weeks. He focused on the older pieces, cleaning them first, then moved onto the new, the fresh, the worst of it...
He did not speak, simply watched the rise and fall of her chest, making sure he didn't have a corpse in his den. Then she asked a question, just quietly. Why?
.... why?

"Because I love you," He said, his voice deep and quiet, close at hand, confident. It was true, he knew it was. But whether that was a good thing or not anymore, he didn't know. It was awful, the half-knowing, but it was the truth—and he couldn't lie to her.
He continued cleaning her, softly and gently, until all of the blood from her fur had been washed away. It took a good long time. But finally, finally, she looked at least like a shadow of the wolfess he had known so long ago.

Without another word, he stood and trotted back out. She would be safe—only DeSoto's pack mates were around, and even they were in short supply. But no wolves ventured near his den. Nobody would come across her. But it was time to bring her meat. It didn't take long, even though it was winter. The territory was in good supply.
Soon enough he had a young rabbit, tender and soft meat, but rich and fatty. He brought it back to his den, and crawled in carefully so as not to disturb her.
"Eat."

[Calypso]

Nanouk;

If not for the fact that she was inside of Frigid Plague territory, the black she-wolf may have felt that his den was comforting. It was dark and warm and provided more safety for her than she had before. Plus, laying there by his side, despite the circumstances, it felt good. In her mind, she wished that she could say that it felt like she belonged by his side, yet she knew it wasn't entirely true. Yes, a part of her, she felt, did belong right next to him. But the other...

It didn't matter what she had gone through outside of the valley. It didn't matter what fatal injuries she may have gotten or how different she was. She had a duty to uphold, a title to go back to. Then again, she shouldn't have her hopes up. She had not only left Desoto, but her pack as well. Koa...what would she say? It wasn't like Nanouk could just return and act as if everything was normal. She, the Gamma of Ivory Wild, had disappeared without saying anything to her Alphess. Did she even have the right to be Gamma at this point? Was she even going to stay alive long enough to find out...

For a moment, she heard his voice. She didn't hear way he said, but she heard it. At first she didn't seem to acknowledge that he had said anything. She merely let herself be cleaned. It was only when she no longer felt his warmth beside her that she moved. She turned her head, only to find that he was leaving the den. So she was right. He was gonna abandon her just as she had done to him. He was going to leave her to di...

What did he say?

She felt her heart stop beating for a second before it continued. Had...did he say what she thought he did? There was no way. It was impossible. Perhaps her hearing really had been affected after all.

After he left, she laid her head back down on the ground, closing her eyes. She almost felt herself drift to sleep. When was the last time she had gotten a decent rest? It seemed like she hadn't actually slept in ages. Constantly on the run. Only ever looking for two things, finding one more often than the other. Hardly having a moment to relax before she would be up and moving. It was exhausting. If it weren't for the fact that her mind was constantly alert, she may have fell asleep in his den. But she didn't. She merely closed her eyes and dozed.

When he did return, she turned her head once more to find that he was carrying a rabbit. At the sight of the rabbit, she felt her stomach roll and flip, growling as if there was a wolf inside her. She wouldn't be surprised if Desoto had heard it as well. But who cared. She lifted her head a little more, reaching over and pulling the rabbit closer to her. She wanted to talk to him. She wanted to tell him everything. But maybe getting something in her stomach was a better option. She started chewing the rabbit, but only in small portions at first. It took no time for that too speed up. Before long, the rabbit was gone.

Her gaze remained on the floor of the den, thinking about whether or not she had heard him correctly before. "Even after...what I did." Her voice was low, almost confused. Then, for a split second, there was a glow. It was very brief, but was likely visible on the den wall behind her. Towards the back of her, near her back leg, there was a very brief second where the wall behind her seemed to reflect a golden glow before disappearing. It happened once or twice before it stopped. What was she thinking. Now was not the time for that.

[Meds]

DeSoto;

She ate like a wolf starved. DeSoto appraised her once more, his eyes running over the length of her body. How many times had he imagined her body, her, her face, all of it... and now? Somebody had hurt her. Somebody had starved the body he had so longed for. Was it through a fault of her own? Perhaps she had disappeared, been unable to fend for herself, run into trouble, and then come crawling back to him just as she was about to die. He didn't want to believe that, and it really didn't seem like something she would do. But nonetheless, his expression stayed blank as she ate. He had left right after saying his piece—hadn't given her time to respond. But when the meal was over, he could tell that she was ramping up to say something.

"Even after... what I did."

DeSoto's mask stayed put, but his eyes narrowed slightly. The den was very close quarters, but he didn't bother to hide the action. Her eyes were downcast anyway. When she put it like that, then yes, DeSoto assumed he was right.
"Yes," He said in an even, near-growl as per usual. He did, he loved her. There was no use denying it. But there was no need to really get into exactly what that meant just now. DeSoto himself didn't even know. Here she was, a year later. Maybe she had run off, maybe something worse—but he highly doubted it could have happened all at once. His memory flicked back to the mystic caves that day, when it had seemed like they were really moving toward something. But ah, that was in the past. What did the future hold? "And what exactly was that?"
It was a fair question. To show up half-dead and then claim that she had done something? It warranted an explanation.

For a half-moment, there was a glowing that painted itself on the den wall opposite. DeSoto hadn't been looking directly at it, so when his eyes flicked upward, he wasn't sure that he had really seen anything. He didn't think on it again.

[Calypso]

Nanouk:

His response, so simple yet so effective. A mere 'yes' may not have really been much in reality, but she felt the meaning. She knew he was hurt. She could tell. Whether that be by her disappearance, or by the fact that she was half dead in his den. Or maybe it was neither. He wasn't a wolf to linger on worthless, meaningful thoughts. Would he even care about why she had left? Would he label her selfish for doing what she did? It was strange how predictable, yet unpredictable Desoto had become since she last saw him. She knew what he was like. Cold, solid, straight-forward. Not one to focus on the 'what ifs' in life. He had been that way for the whole time that she knew him, even after she had began to change him. But now that he did have a basic...or perhaps complex, sight on emotions, she wasn't sure what to expect. His confession, for example. Where had it come from? How? How could she disappear without saying a word, come back a corpse, only to have him say that he loved her?

He then asked the key question. 'And what exactly was that?' What was it she had done he asked...how was she to explain such things to a wolf who may not have done the same thing she did? She took a moment to think, much like she had done in the past. When they first met...at the waterfall...at the caves. She was always thinking. Thinking of how to respond to him. At times it was difficult to think of a response, or, worse yet, how he would react to each response. Her golden, glowing gaze fell to the floor, just as his had. Would he believe her explanation? Would he still feel the same way about her? There was no turning back. She chose to return to the valley. Chose to return to him. She chose to face this situation head on, regardless of what would result from it. There was no use in delaying it.

"I left you by yourself...to deal with what I started. I vanished without saying anything...I didn't stop to consider you, or any of those that are important to me." She lifted her gaze, facing him now. "I realized who you are to me...while I was out there." A weak smile formed on her face as she brought forth a memory they shared together. "I finally confirmed what I felt for you...at the waterfall. It was no longer an assumption or a guess...just like you wanted." The smile then faded from her face, her eyes locked with his, and she became more serious. "I realized...that I love you too."

It was finished. No, she hadn't told him why she disappeared. No, she didn't explain her injuries. But she admitted to him the truth that it had taken her so long to realize. Perhaps she would tell him why she had left at some point. Perhaps he didn't want to know. But, for right now, she didn't care. Just being there with him. Seeing him. Smelling him. Feeling him. It was enough for her to feel as though all of her injuries were nothing.

Her paws began to move, moving towards him and half dragging herself towards him. She didn't have to move far, but she still felt a soreness in her chest coming back. She ignored it. As she nearly face him, she placed her front paws more solidly in front of her and, with painful effort, lifted the front of herself upwards, her back legs still limp behind her and her rear hardly moved. She lifted her head, nuzzling the side of her face against his neck. Despite the cold, he felt so warm. She took in his scent that had comforted her so many times before. The scent almost reminded her of home.

[Meds]

DeSoto;

Nanouk was quiet for a moment—no doubt pondering how best to answer him. He hoped it would be worth his wait. Because he had waited. Try as he might have tried to move on, he had still waited. She explained that she understood the gravity of leaving him with a cracked-open skull (a skull that she had had a big part in cracking) and nobody to talk to about it. He had dealt. He had had to. Slowly, a the days turned to weeks, and the weeks to months, months to seasons... he had filled those cracks. Where there had been doubt, he slowly encased it with what he knew. The main emotions. He kept some of what she had showed him, like happiness for example—but if he had no reason to feel it, could he really be sure it was still there?

She said she realized who he was to her while out on her adventure, or whatever it was. DeSoto's dark eyes deepened as his navy body rested against the floor of his den. He was laying, yes, but he wasn't relaxed. He could feel it. He doubted Nanouk would notice though, as hurt and preoccupied as she was.
He was trying to recall all that had happened since she left. It was all blending together. Had he realized what she was to him before she had left—or after? He glanced to the ceiling of the den in thought and decided that he was pretty sure it had been before. That day on the clifftop. But who was he to say, for sure? He didn't have the best track record with self-reflection.

And then she said that she loved him.

He hadn't asked...

SOon after, she began moving forward towards him, all broken and thin and hurting, and began to nuzzle him. Whether something had broken within him, or if he just wasn't there yet, he didn't know—but it didn't feel the same as it once had. There was still the heat, the increase in his heart rate... but what else? Had there been anything else? He couldn't recall.
"We should take you to White Magic," He said, eyes focused somewhere above her head, his voice firm. "She won't help my kind, but you're neutral, not evil. I can get you there if you let me."

[Calypso]

Nanouk;

What was Desoto feeling? That had been a question in her mind for so long now, even before she saw him. What emotions did he have a grasp of? What did he understand and what did he not? Had anything she taught him before she left stuck with him, or did he just let it all fade away? So far he hadn't acted much different than he would any other time. He didn't seem happy or sad or anything. He was just...there. Even when they first saw each other he said her name as if she was an acquaintance of his.

When she had started to muzzle him, she felt a sadness in her. He hardly reacted. He didn't nuzzle back. He didn't turn his head to face her. He didn't even move. Did he even acknowledge that she was doing it, or did he just ignore it? She wasn't going to ask. No point. But then he spoke. He talked of taking her to White Magic and him helping her get there. Then he also said that White Magic didn't help evil wolves, but she was neutral so she didn't have to worry. At this, she somewhat chuckled.

"Alliances...they decide everything...don't they..., " it wasn't much of a question, but more so a statement to herself. A while back, she remembered meeting a wolf. A wolf that taught her basic knowledge about the White Wolves, about the alliances, even a little about the packs. He had told her these things, and she didn't think much of them. Good, neutral, and evil? What did that have to do with anything? Truly, a wolf could be all three at any given point. Why did having an alliance change anything? That was what she once thought. But now those thoughts came back to bite her. She wanted to join a pack? Had to be neutral. She wanted to get healed by White Magic? Had to be good or neutral. She wanted to get a power? Had to go to Sheba, the neutral White Wolf. Power...she hadn't told him about that. After she had received it was when she disappeared. She hadn't messed with it much since then. But she was back in the valley now. Perhaps she could get some practice...eventually.

"If you believe I should go to her...then fine. Do as you wish." Now it was his option. Truthfully, she didn't care if she went or not. If she didn't go, she might die or might not. If she did go, she might get healed and she might not. Either way, it would take a long time to get there by herself. If Desoto should choose to take her, then maybe she would have a better chance at living. Then again, did she really deserve to be healed? She had went after that killer on her own and faced him down so many times now that it was ridiculous. She had grown stronger really, despite her current state. She stood face to face with her parents' killer. She attacked him head on when she knew the likelihood of her own death in doing so. If she was able to face death in the face, surely she could bring herself back from it. Maybe she didn't need White Magic. Maybe she did. But that wasn't something she wanted to decide at the moment.

[Meds]

DeSoto;

In a way, he was feeling quite similar to how he had felt when they had first started delving into his mind. He was not as unsure, confused, or frightened of course, but the same level of hesitation had been brought back. Not outwardly, either. Outwardly he seemed perfectly sure in his indifference. But inwardly, he didn’t know what was going on. He did love her. He did—for a year he had thought she had abandoned him or died, and he had barely been able to live with it. But now she was there, with him. And he felt... nothing? Or was the feeling of nothing a forced indifference to avoid accepting that he truly felt crushed, hurt, broken...
Nanouk mumbled about the alliances, perhaps sounding slightly bitter about it all. DeSoto’s face remained passive. He knew how she felt of alliances. But then she continued to flip his statement about White Magic, saying that if he wanted to take her there, he could. A shadow passed over his eyes.
”You would do nothing?” It sounded as though she cared not for her wellbeing—but DeSoto was given a nasty reminder of her absence. She had done nothing to warn him, and even less to explain herself upon being found again... would she be so complacent?

He stood up in a feverish rush, suddenly feeling coooed up. The den was short, but if he didn’t rise to his full height he could sort of hunch.
”There is no guarantee that you would even make it. I cleaned the surface wounds—but I know nothing of your other injuries.” Which fell into the whole ‘her not explaining anything’ column. DeSoto was trying to keep hold of order. He was not the wolf to spin out and begin to doubt what he could see with his eyes. But the fact remained... she had left. She had not told him where she was. She did not seem to care enough to explain it to him.
He swallowed forcefully, gazing down at her from his lofty position.