Nothing is Meaningless {Closed}

[Rykett]

“Kill it!” His mother roared as Zodi bounded after the escaping mouse. “Pounce now! Get it before it gets away!” Following his mother’s command, the young pup leaped forward, front paws landing directly on the prey. When a gasping, startled squeak, it stopped moving. The red form of his mother walked to her son’s side and bent to sniff the motionless prey. “Well done, Zodi. I'm sure your father will be proud that you're already catching mice.”

Zodi beamed. His tail wagged, swishing the air as it sped. He’d done it right! Mother and Father were proud of him. As Skia began to walk away, off to give the next child a quick lesson, Zodi crouched to speak with the mouse. “Thank you for letting me catch you! Now you can go off to your family. I'm sure they're waiting for you.” He nudged the creature. It flopped lifelessly. “Go on.”

“What are you doing?” Zodi jumped at his mother’s voice, unaware that she'd overheard him and returned to investigate. The pup smiled up at his mother, tail still wagging.

“Hi, Mother! I'm telling the mouse he can go now! He was so much fun to play with, but we’re done with him now. He didn't seem to be leaving on his own and I wanted to thank him for letting me play with him.”

Skia raised a canine eyebrow. Her chocolate gaze flicked between the dead mouse and the eager pup. “Is this a joke, Zodi?”

“Uh, no? Why would it be a joke?”

“The mouse is dead. He can't go anywhere or hear anything.”

“Dead? Living things aren't dead. Only dead things are dead.” Zodi grinned. Obviously, Mother was the one playing a joke on him. The mouse had just been moving a moment ago. Zodi had seen him.

“All dead things were living once! All living things will become dead things! The mouse died. So he changed from being living to dead. You killed him!” Skia was bewildered that Zodi hadn't grasped the reality of life and death.

“I made him not living by killing him? He’s dead? But why?”

“Yes, you stepped on him and probably cracked his spine or something. That's usually what happens when you put your full weight on fragile mouse bones!”

“Why did you want me to kill him?”

“That's what evil wolves do! That's what strength is! Killing things that get in our way!”

“But if he's dead, he can't see his family again or eat seeds or do anything mice like to do.” Zodi was beginning to cry, now, as the realization sunk in.

“Stop crying this instant! It's just a mouse! He would've died eventually, anyway. Anything not strong enough to stand up to you deserves death by your paw!”

Zodi sniffled, attempting to suck back all the moisture on his face. Skia let out a frustrated, disgusted groan and turned away, deciding to deal with Zodi later. Zodi looked glumly at the mouse as his mother departed, “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to kill you.”

...

Father was a busy wolf. As Alpha and founder of the pack, he had many duties to attend to. Mother was the Alphess and usually helped him with pack matters, but had decided to make raising their pups a priority and trust Fjord to tend to the pack with little aid from her. It was a rare thing to get a one on one conversation with Father. Zodi decided that he must be super proud of Zodi or something. Zodi glanced up at the large male sitting beside him as Father opened his maw to speak.

“Zodi, your mother told me about your distress, today. She's otherwise indisposed, so I'll be speaking with you about it.”

“About death?”

“Yes.”

“I killed something. I didn't realize it, but I think he knew. That's why he was running away.”

“Yes. Good job, Zodi.”

“But, he didn't want to die.”

“Few creatures do.”

“Do you kill things, too?”

“Yes, it's an enjoyable experience.”

“Why?”

“When you kill, you hold a great power. A wolf's mortal existence is a balancing act. You tip the scales when you kill them in a way no other thing can. By doing so, you also change the fates of all those connected to who you murdered. Don't you want that power, Zodi? Don't you want to set wolves’ lives spinning towards paths they never imagined or ending their path altogether?”

“No! I mean, I don't know! Just…”

“Zodi, death is part of life. Many wolves will never accept that, but it finds them anyway. We're bringers of death. We hold a power many weaker wolves dare not touch. It is your lot in life to be a killer. Accept that and your life will be easier.”

Zodi stared up at his father then down to the ground, unable to find the words to voice his emotions.

“Zodi, Midnight Silence is a pack of murderers. You're protected for now because you are my son and a pup, but should the day come that, as an adult, you refuse to kill when ordered, Midnight Silence will have no mercy for you.”

...

That night, Zodi huddled away from the pile of snoring siblings. He couldn't sleep. His mind was running around in circles. ‘Death is a part of life. We all die eventually. That would mean that Mother and Father and Fia and Insolence and Katana… they’ll all die. Even me… I'm going to die. I'll die and everyone I know will die. Will everything I do just be lost eventually? Because I'll die then the wolves that knew me will die then anyone that they told about me will die. Eventually, nobody will know I even existed. I’ll be gone and nothing I will have done will have mattered. This can't be real. Things have to matter, right? Like today, I killed a mouse. Life mattered to that mouse, but that didn't matter in the end because he died. He would've died eventually. What about Father and Mother’s pack? It's a big pack with lots of wolves in it… but they'll all die. Eventually, if their pups keep living in this pack, those pups will die. Eventually, this pack will be gone, too. Eventually… eventuality… everything I know and love and see will be nothing. It doesn't matter, then. Nothing I do will make a difference because any difference I make will be erased eventually. I don't know if I can…’

Tears filled Zodi’s deep brown eyes. He bit back sobs. He glanced towards his mother, hoping for some kind of relief or comfort. He trotted to where her face rested. Pushing his oversized paws into her muzzle, he stared at her closed eyes, waiting and whimpering softly. Groggily, one chocolate eye peeped at the white pup. “Mother, does anything matter?”

Half-asleep, Skia answered gruffly, “You matter,” she clumsily, but affectionately pushed him to the ground with a black paw, “to me. Now go to sleep.”

Zodi wiggled under his mother’s paw, “But you’re going to die eventually then I won't matter to you anymore because you’ll be dead. Nothing will matter in the end.”

“Guess that's true. Go to sleep.” The chocolate eye closed and refused to open again. Zodi had heard all that he’d wanted. He curled up and tried to sleep.

...

Zodi felt too exhausted for the next day’s training. He felt like he'd just been chasing his tail all night. Admittedly chasing one’s tail was so much fun, but this had been a different sort of chase. A chase where he didn't enjoy the chase and the tail he was chasing was a mile away. Things should matter, but they don't because everything dies. Life then had no purpose. Then what was the point of living at all? Things should matter.

“Zodi!” Mother snapped. Zodi blinked and looked around to see his siblings all spread out to train. “Huh?” He let out a confused noise and looked to Mother for instruction. “Go and kill some mice!” The pacing of her words was said in a patient manner, but her tone was the opposite, impatient and rough. Zodi scampered away, not wanting to awaken his mother's beastly anger.

“Kill some mice?” Zodi muttered to himself. He didn't want to kill anything! It felt wrong. If life did matter, he didn't want to be one that took life away. He puffed out a frustrated breath. Why were things suddenly so complicated? Life was easier in ignorance. But… if life didn’t matter, the mouse shouldn’t care about death. It came to all eventually.

So his dilemma came down to the not-so-simple question of whether or not life mattered. Zodi considered what the consequences would be of either answer. If he decided life mattered, he couldn’t go on living the life his parents wanted. Surrounded by the members of Midnight Silence, he might not be living for much longer. But if life didn’t matter, he could kill those mice and continue living as if nothing had changed, except everything would’ve changed. How could he go on living with no purpose, knowing nothing mattered? Zodi figured he could just embrace the eventuality and just keep living the way that made him most happy until then. If death had to come quicker for a couple mice to make Zodi’s life more pleasant, so be it… they never mattered anyway. The latter seemed the better option. He wouldn’t have to delude himself, just live and die.

His philosophical troubles conquered, Zodi’s smile returned. His life would be happy because nothing mattered. Zodi trotted away to kill some mice as ordered.

-End-