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Post by Tiel on Mar 4, 2018 10:59:10 GMT -5
MedsLeo:The night was chilly. Leo leaned into Arcturus' fur, feeling the other wolf's body heat against him. The two sat beneath a twinkling sky, both heads turned upward to gaze at the stars. This was the same night sky Leo had seen over and over. He and Rayen had seen these stars come up as they sat over a frozen waterfall, pressed against each other to keep warm. They had fallen in love under this sky. But this place, though it was the same vault of stars, was somewhere far away from the valley.
"That one up there is my star. See it?" Arcturus' voice was deep and familiar.
Leo responded, "I... don't know." This was not his normal voice, it was a pup's voice, softer and higher pitched.
"Just follow where I point."
Arcturus pressed his cheek against Leo's, his long nose pointed at the sky. Leo's gaze drifted up to where he pointed, eventually locking onto a glistening star closer to the color of Leo's coat—no, it was Arcturus' coat first—than the ones around it. "I see it!"
"Arcturus. That's the star I was named after."
The pair quieted as they watched the star twinkle against the dark. Leo's eyelids grew heavy, and he rested his head against Arcturus. "Dad?" he said. Arcturus looked down at him in response. "What was I named after?"
Arcturus smiled. "All right. See that star I'm pointing at to the right of Arcturus?" Leo nodded. "That's Denebola. Your mother's star. Now, can you see that the other stars around it make a triangle?" Leo nodded again. "That's the rump of a lion. Look where I point, you can see his head." His eyes narrowed, focusing in on where his father pointed, until he found the lion's head. Arcturus was beaming at him. "That's Leo."
"Wow," he said in quiet wonder. His tail flicked back and forth against his father's tail, and the two kept their heads up at the night sky. Leo yawned.
"He's said to have impenetrable skin," Arcturus whispered. "Leo was the enemy of many heroes." No, that wasn't right. "Everything he did was in the name of destruction."
"No," Leo said. The real Leo, not the remembered one. "No. No." Arcturus couldn't hear him, and more importantly, Leo the pup couldn't hear him. He watched his younger self smile wistfully, pleased by his new found purpose for destruction. Fire caught around them, but the pair didn't seem to notice. They stayed snuggled against each other, happy, even as they were consumed by flames. "No."
Arcturus said, "One day, you'll be just like him.""No what, Daddy?" This was Midori's little voice. Hearing it sent Leo rushing back to the present. He blinked. He was in his den. Midori's nose was pressed against his, her expression concerned and curious. "Nothing," he replied. "Go back to sleep." Leo licked his daughter's forehead, and she giggled sleepily, blinking her eyes closed. She curled up between Leo's front paws and yawned, a yawn so much like the yawn from young Leo, that he shivered. She didn't seem to notice. Leo waited a few minutes until Midori's breathing was slow and steady, suggesting she was fast asleep. Then he nudged Rayen to wake up.
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Post by Meds on Mar 5, 2018 12:59:49 GMT -5
((OMG TIEL WHAT A DREAM. I forgot Leo was evil for an instant! O.O))
Rayen;
A quiet voice broke through the fog of Rayen's sleep. It was her mate, her Leo, her sun. She couldn't quite bring herself to open her eyes, though she knew she should. For a moment, she was stranded in that in-between stage, half awake and half lost to the world... it wasn't until a nudge broke the veil that she was finally able to sit up. She gave her head a shake, eyes quickly registering Leo himself and their sleeping family all around. She ignored the grating in her bad shoulder, always worse after sleeping, and tilted her head to look into Leo's eyes. "More bad dreams." She said, though it wasn't a question. Her voice, still so young, sounded deep and unsteady in the darkness of the warm den. Rayen brought her black-masked face around and glanced up and out of the den. It was winter again—already? It seemed to always be winter... so cold, so bleak... and yet beautiful in its own way. She nodded to the outside. The pups were heavy sleepers, and they were deep within the territory. Rayen felt comfortable leaving them sleeping long enough to have a private conversation with her Leo.
She eased herself up, clenching her teeth against the pain in her shoulder that now demanded to be acknowledged. Curses against the shadow demon rolled through Rayen's head. It wasn't right, what had happened. The orange and black female should have been hurt as well—but alas, it had been so long ago, that even the memory was fading. Rayen limped up the small slope, eventually coming out of the tree roots into the winter beyond. She took a deep breath, and glanced back, waiting for her mate. They were going to talk about this. Finally a moment to themselves, without any pups listening in. Something wasn't right with Leo, and Rayen intended to get to the bottom of it.
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Post by Tiel on Mar 7, 2018 10:26:57 GMT -5
((so did he))
Leo:
“More bad dreams.”
It was not a question. Leo had recently been waking Rayen nightly because of his nightmares. It wasn't fair. He knew that Rayen was already on a poor sleep schedule because of their pups, but he just needed to hear her voice. Leo absorbed her words, letting them steady him.
He couldn't help but notice Rayen’s shoulder tightening up as she rose to her feet. Evil had done that. Leo hated evil.
“Everything he did was in the name of destruction.”
Leo cringed, but saved the words that began to bubble up for when he was out of earshot of his sleeping daughters. He followed his mate out of their den into the chilly dark. The sky was littered with stars, and if he paid close enough attention, he could spot the ones from his dream. So it wasn't his mind that had made this memory up. His dream had been real.
Leo’s gaze lowered from the sky to Rayen, her green pelt glistening in the moonlight. The landscape around them was white and bleak, them a splash of color against the winter meadows. It was cold, but it was not as cold as it had recently been. The night was still. It was a perfect time and place for a meaningful conversation.
“I’m sorry I keep waking you up,” Leo said, dragging one paw back and forth through the snow pensively. “This dream… it was different from the other ones.”
Leo recalled the wolf in his dream, stoic and admirable. Arcturus. His father. He recalled the magic he had felt in their conversation. He recalled the flames. Leo shook his head. “I think…” He paused. “I'm remembering.”
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Post by Meds on Mar 7, 2018 15:14:36 GMT -5
Rayen;
Leo was physically flinching at whatever it was in his mind, Rayen was quick to see. They hadn't known each other for such a long time—it had really been a sort of rushed situation that made them realize their love for one another at all—but even in the few months they had spent together, Rayen knew him. She knew him like she knew herself; at least, the current version of him. Neither of them knew the old and forgotten pieces of him... unless... Rayen lifted her bad shoulder, placing the paw on Leo's own as he dragged it through the snow (she didn't trust her bad side to hold her properly). She steadied his fidgeting, and tipped his chin up with her nose, causing him to look into her eyes. She shook her head against his apology. "I wouldn't have it any other way," She said, then paused. "Except, of course... if I could free you from these dreams. I meant 'not have it any other way' in the sense that, if you have to be woken up, then I am happy to sit awake with you." She blinked. It seemed that her ever-awkward and slightly juvenile way of tripping over her words hadn't left her, even when all alone with her mate, the one who knew her best. It was all fine, of course, for she didn't babble from a place of being uncomfortable. It was just who she was.
"Different how?" She asked in response to the rest of Leo's words. He seemed so troubled, it was quite hard to watch. When he said he thought he was remembering, however, Rayen froze. Excitement and worry both battled to be the first to be acknowledged within her, but soon after she smiled. "But that's good, isn't it? Why the long face?" Her words were light, but something about the glint in Leo's normally-cheerful eyes had placed a bit of doubt in her mind. He did want to remember... didn't he?
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Post by Tiel on Mar 19, 2018 19:37:39 GMT -5
Leo:
The paw that had been moving through the snow relaxed as he let Rayen steady him. He looked into her brown and gold eyes, bright against the dark, and let out a breath. “I wouldn't have it any other way,” she said, and continued to over-explain what she meant by saying such a thing, tripping over her words as she did so. Leo let himself smile at the way she spoke, his ever awkward Rayen. Her voice coaxed him, reminding him that all of this was real. His mate, his family, his home were all real. But there was a different life for him somewhere else that was also real.
Leo frowned as he said, “You're wonderful.” All he wanted to do was be with his mate, grow old with her, watch their daughters grow up. He wanted to keep her desperately.
“Different how?” she asked, then, “But that's good, isn't it? Why the long face?” Her words were casual, but he could tell from her voice that she was afraid for him.
Leo took in a shuddered breath before speaking. “The dream was about my father, I think. It was… strange. It seemed like a happy memory at first, but then he explained some things to me… like what he expected of me in the future.”
Everything he did was in the name of destruction. One day, you'll be just like him. Suddenly, Leo leaned into Rayen’s fur. He rested his cheek on her good shoulder, taking in the comforting scent of her pelt. He was so grateful to have someone like her. How would he have gotten through this without her?
“Rayen,” he said shakily. “I’m scared I may have done some things in my past life.” He paused, contemplating how to put his thoughts into words. Slowly, he pulled away from her and fixed his eyes meaningfully on her injured shoulder. “I’m scared I may have been like… her.”
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Post by Meds on Mar 22, 2018 11:16:51 GMT -5
Rayen;
"You're wonderful."
Rayen's light-brown eyes closed softly and she hummed deep in her throat. He knew just what to say. Even when she was perfectly calm and content, Leo knew what to say to make these feelings even more apparent. She dipped her head and thudded her brow against his shoulder gently, then refocused as he began to speak.
His father? Rayen's eyes widened slightly, only out of interest. He had never spoken of his father before. But then, his words turned inward, slightly brooding, regretful... His father had not been a happy subject? Leo's words were not bad, they sounded much like what Rayen would imagine any father saying to his son... but the way Leo said them put Rayen's guard up. Leo then expressed that he was worried. Worried about things he might have done in his past. Rayen was about to speak up and calm his anxieties, when he spoke again. Rayen froze before speaking after Leo's words, and suddenly it seemed as though the pain in her shoulder intensified ten-fold. Suddenly she was very aware of the moon-shadows, however small, under bushes and jutting rocks. It seemed colder, suddenly. Rayen could almost see her breath. Her.
"Nyx." Rayen finally breathed, confirming her guess. Her gut-reaction was to say that Leo had been nothing like her—couldn't have been—then again, it had been him who pointed out that it must have been muscle memory that aided him in fighting so well. As if it were yesterday, she saw before her the injured he-wolf, bleeding from the head after a nasty bump, with no idea who he was or where he had come from. All at once, Leo, her mate, her love, her sun, was that confused and frightened wolf again. She moved closer to him, if that was possible, pressing her bad shoulder into his warmth and fighting off the chill. "What else do you remember?" It probably wasn't much; but it felt important to try. To try and figure this out. Together, perhaps they could piece it all together again, bit by bit, until Leo had some vague sense of the truth. Even if the truth was bad... Rayen felt it best they should know. He was no longer the wolf he suddenly feared he had been—wouldn't it be better to know?
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Post by Tiel on Mar 29, 2018 21:58:51 GMT -5
Leo:
Rayen uttered her name, and suddenly the night was no longer a haven, but a great shadow over the land. Leo could remember the demon, too, and a shiver ran down his spine. Never had he laid eyes on anything so corrupt. So beyond evil itself. He hoped desperately that he would never have to encounter her again.
The thing was, however, that Nyx’s darkness was a perfect reminder of Leo’s fundamental goodness. He feared her, but he and Rayen had gotten past her and her twisted gang, and now the only thing scarier than being caught in her snare was being inwardly like her in any way at all.
Rayen pressed closer to him, and he draped his head over her bad shoulder, trying to be as delicate as he could manage. Then she asked, “What else do you remember?” Leo’s gaze dropped to the ground beneath them, and his paw began to fidget again, tracing circles in the snow. His mind was still on Nyx, and he couldn't seem to focus enough to recall his dream before he cleared his conscience.
Leo asked gloomily, “You're not gonna tell me I'm not like her at all?” then regretted doing so. He pulled away from her slightly and shook his head. “I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean…” He trailed off. Again, his gaze met hers, and he swallowed twice before continuing, “It’s just, I want to remember. I do. But I'm so afraid.”
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Post by Meds on Apr 2, 2018 11:51:00 GMT -5
Rayen;
As ever, Leo stayed gentle. He placed his head across her bad shoulder, but she felt no tensing of her muscles, no twinge of pain. Leo was not one to hurt her. Leo was one to heal her; and yet, in this moment... he was the one who needed a healing, helping touch. He broke from his character, his usual-steadfastness, to ask why Rayen hadn’t reassured him. Rayen blinked very slowly, considering her answer, since Leo was obviously feeling quite self conscious. ”No, I’m not,” She said, keeping him locked in her light brown eyes. Because it’s unneccesary. You are not like Nyx—so much so that it isn’t even worth mentioning. Maybe you were, maybe you used to be... but you are not. Nyx could never host a family, feel love, do anything good... and you are good, Leo. You embody ‘good’.” She sharpened her gaze and hoped that the fierceness of her love was reflected there.
”There is no need to be afraid. If you truly want to remember, I am here to help you in anyway I can.”
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Post by Tiel on Apr 28, 2018 12:35:06 GMT -5
((Um… technically the constellation Leo isn't visible in winter, but it's all right if we bend the truth a bit, right? Hehehe…))
Leo:
Leo liked to think everything Rayen said was true — that it was simply irrational to believe he might be like Nyx at all — that he was worried for nothing. But his dream was still fresh in his mind, the thrill at learning he was meant to destroy, the twisted longing for evil. He could feel Arcturus’ cold eyes piercing into him. The worst part was, Rayen truly seemed to believe from the bottom of her heart that Leo was incapable of anything remotely evil. He was beginning to think there were two sides of him, and the only reason Rayen had to believe one did not exist was because she had only ever seen the other.
Desperately, he pushed that thought aside. It couldn't be the truth. He didn't want it to be the truth. Also, there was a small something inside him that believed, perhaps, that the longer he dwelled on the idea of him being anything less than good, the closer he got to evil. Leo wanted to wince again, but instead he drew nearer to his mate and suppressed the urge. Rayen’s ferocious love was on display in her expression. He loved her too, and he hoped that would be enough to prevent him from ever hurting her.
“There is no need to be afraid. If you truly want to remember, I am here to help you in any way I can.”
Leo took in a deep breath and released it in a shuddered sigh. Then he pushed through the fog of fear that hazed his dream in an attempt to recall what had occurred exactly.
“It was a night like this one, but not as cold. Maybe a different season. It was just my father and I, stargazing together…” He was flooded with the sensation of the dream once again, the cool wind and the warm fur of Arcturus. “Arcturus. Yes, my father’s name was Arcturus. My mother’s name was Denebola.” He pulled away from Rayen gently, and he peered up at the dark sky. “Anywho, I was just a pup and I was pressed against my father’s fur to keep warm. He was showing me stars and telling me what they were called. There was a star called Arcturus and a star called Denebola, and those were the stars they were named after. And then… I asked what I was named after.”
Leo’s eyes found the star Arcturus, and from there he made out the star Denebola, then the constellation Leo, and finally, he met the two stars that were Rayen’s eyes. “Let me show you.”
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Post by Meds on May 1, 2018 16:05:19 GMT -5
Rayen;
Her love was being tortured by these thoughts. Rayen could feel it—physically feel it. It wasn't pain, like what she felt from her crippled shoulder; rather, it was an ache that she felt in the depths of her core, down to her soul. She leaned harder against him as the sound of her words echoed and died into the night-grasses around them, closing her eyes tightly and wishing some of his pain could transfer off of him and into her. Unfortunately, Rayen was never one for words. They were difficult for her, having grown up a loner and not often needing sophisticated language skills. She knew that Leo knew her though, and she trusted that everything she couldn't say properly was transferred into that touch.
Leo took a shaky breath, then spoke. When he spoke, Rayen heard the shift in his voice, as suddenly his mind was enveloped once more in the memories. Be they real or from the dream alone, it was irrelevant. He was opening up to her, and that was the most important thing. Arcturus—Denebola. The names threatened to send shivers up Rayen's spine, but she didn't move. Leo glanced up to the sky then, moving and taking his warmth with him. Rayen didn't force the contact, merely kept her eyes level on her mate. He spoke of staying warm against his father's fur, not unlike what had just been happening between the two of them. Something about the stars his parents had been named for, and a question he had voiced. He peered through the vale of night, until finally resurfacing and meeting Rayen's somewhat fretful gaze. "Let me show you."
Rayen didn't respond verbally, but she knew this was a big moment. If she tried to reply she would probably ruin it, or make Leo think that perhaps he shouldn't share after all. But Rayen didn't want that. She wanted to share in this thing with him, whatever it was. Rayen was in it, now. So instead of speaking, she just stood up. Her shoulder trembled slightly, but all thoughts of Nyx and the night were pushed from her mind as she took a step behind him, and nodded that she was ready. Ready for him to lead her wherever it was he wanted to take her.
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Post by Tiel on Jun 1, 2018 12:37:41 GMT -5
Leo:To Leo’s surprise, Rayen didn't say a word, but nodded firmly, her expression barely visible in the dark of the night. This gave him the impression she was taking what he was about to show her seriously, which made him both grateful and cautious. He couldn't mess this up. He glanced at the sky once more and let his eyes brush over the stars, then he came to Rayen’s side. His cheek pressed against hers, and slowly, he began to point with his nose — first at the star Denebola, which ended the tip of the lion’s tail. He almost moved on from there, but he realized this would probably confuse Rayen, so he whispered, “Denebola is the end of the lion’s tail.” He moved along the spine until he reached the nose. “The head is here.”He swept down to the front paw. “The paw is here, and—”The whole thing came into view. Leo went silent, then took one step back. That was it. That was his constellation. His eyes went to Rayen’s, speaking through his facial expression. Do you see it? He was quiet for another long moment, then he said softly, “That's Leo. That's me. Arcturus said —” he faltered. “Arcturus said he was evil, and he wanted me to be evil too. And I was… happy.” He closed his eyes. That was the worst part. ((Just for a reference — www.seasky.org/constellations/constellation-leo.html ))
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Post by Meds on Jun 1, 2018 13:15:16 GMT -5
Rayen;
He was almost surprised that she was taking everything so seriously. She smiled. He shouldn’t have been. He was her sun—how could she not take his problems seriously? Any of his issues became her own, gladly. If only she could carry but half of what he did, she would. Not knowing where he came from, and now the unknown questions about just who that had been were a torture of the worst kind. She closed her eyes as their cheeks touched, and then followed his gaze skyward. She could see what he was pointing out. He showed her which stars were which, and what their names were. And when he was finished the outline, he stepped back. The bigger picture, now that Rayen knee what to look for, was beautiful. Nothing evil could have come from that... could it? ” ”That’s you,” She repeated, her voice a whisper. In that moment she almost regretted having not named any of their daughters for constellations. But perhaps that was a piece of history better left in the past and in the sky. Leo moved on to explain that the idea of being evil had made him happy. This was hard to hear, but probably not even close to how hard it was to say or admit. Rayen was glad he told her. She shook her head, flicking her cold nose upward and bumping the underside of his chin.
”So you were happy,” She said, her words casual but her voice serious. ”I’ve done some questionable things in my time. I’m not happy about them anymore, but at the time?” She thought back and nodded. ”Probably wasn’t very upset by them.” This wasn’t strictly true, as she had hated some of the things that she and the Beta that rescued her had to do in order to survive. But she had, and that’s what counted. She was there. With Leo, the parents of five beautiful, healthy, strong girls.
”Is there a way we can remember anything else?” She knew it might scare him, but... ”I think it’s important.”
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Post by Tiel on Jun 14, 2018 10:40:45 GMT -5
Leo:
“That’s you.”
No. How could it be? Leo cringed. If he gained a squirrel for every time he cringed this evening, his family would never go hungry.
Rayen tried to cheer him up, tell him it was all right that he had been happy at the time, which actually irked him a little bit. He wasn't frustrated with Rayen, though. He was mostly frustrated at himself. Because she didn't understand, and he did. Because he had been evil, and she hadn't. She and the girls were a goodness that needed to be preserved, and Leo… what if he didn't belong with them?
“No,” he said. “I’m sure you’ve made mistakes in your time, yes. You were a survivor. You had to fight to stay alive. But you were never evil, born into it, like me.”
Pressed against Rayen’s fur, their tails entwined, something struck Leo. It was the feeling that this place did not belong to him, seeking comfort from someone as good as the wolf on his shoulder. How he wanted it, but how wrong it felt. He could try to explain it to her, the memory and the eye-opening horror of it, but in the end, he had lived through it and Rayen had not. Leo thought of Nyx, and how she was so fundamentally corrupt, and how she was the perfect model of an evil wolf. That was the evil he knew and had always known since he first woke up in those ruins. But he then thought of Arcturus, and his warm smile, and how Leo was certain he loved his son. Monsters, he figured, could come in all different forms. Am I a monster?
“Is there a way we can remember anything else?” Rayen suggested, which made Leo want to shudder, but he resisted the urge. Leo wanted more than anything to hide from his past. However, then Rayen seemed to read his thoughts, which he supposed came from knowing another wolf inside and out (but did she know him? Did Leo know himself?) and said, “I think it’s important.”
“I think you’re right,” Leo said, and sighed. “We can’t ignore my history. The wolves from my past, they’re probably still out there. I have another family somewhere, and even if they’re evil — No. Especially if they’re evil, they need to be addressed before they catch up to me and maybe hurt our family.” Or I hurt our family! “But Rayen, I don't know where to begin. How can I find something if I don't even know what I’m looking for?”
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Post by Meds on Jun 14, 2018 13:14:09 GMT -5
Rayen;
As her attempt at reassuring him left her mouth, she almost felt him prickle. It was as if she hadn’t said the right thing, and had instead hit a nerve. It was frightening, the sudden feeling and thought that perhaps his past would grow between them. Because it was true. Rayen couldn't truly understand what he was going through. Not even close. But coming from a place of loving him—the current him—made her want to try. She had to try. But if her attempts should only serve to frustrate him, it frightened her to think that she wouldn’t know what to do otherwise. But he didn’t comment on it. Of course he didn’t. He would never want to hurt or frighten her. She pressed closer, trying to express what she couldn’t say through the movement.
He acknowledged that the wolves he was remembering were probably still out there. Rayen’s breath caught, for she hadn’t even considered that. Suddenly she felt exposed. Unsafe. Her head swiveled to the darkness underneath the moon-lit bushes around them. Suddenly, it became too easy to picture dark souls lurking just beyond the light. She caught herself—hoping he hadn’t noticed her movement. To show him she felt fear would only make everything worse. Besides, it wasn’t him that she feared.
Then... Another family. Rayen’s eyes widened. Another family? Why, yes. It was entirely possible. ”But then...” Her voice was small in the night. ”Another family. Could—could there be a mate? Could... could there be—pups?” Even saying it made her want to throw up. To think that there might be a litter out there that Leo was not only tied to, but her daughters as well, was haunting. Terrifying. Wholly nightmarish. She swallowed hard. Suddenly she didn’t want to know. Unfortunately however, the fact that they had to find out where he came from was undeniable.
”There’s a place,” She murmured in response to his last question. She had lived in the valley longer than he had. He may not have heard of it. ”Where the lines between our world and the world of shadows are blurred. Present, future, past... sometimes they can all be visible.”
But did she really want to go?
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Post by Tiel on Jun 23, 2018 15:19:59 GMT -5
Leo:
Leo felt Rayen’s head turn abruptly when he mentioned that the wolves from his past were likely still out there, and he closed his eyes in frustration. It was his fault that she was suddenly afraid, that his family was in danger. And it was his duty to protect them. He had to fix this mess.
“But then…” Rayen said in such a tiny, delicate way that he felt a pang in his heart. “Another family. Could… could there be a mate? Could… could there be… pups?”
Leo pulled his head away so that his gaze could meet his mate’s, wide-eyed. He hadn't considered that. By “another family,” he had been referring to his parents and siblings. Had he really just suggested to Rayen that he had another mate somewhere? He was the worst.
“Rayen,” he said softly. “This is my family. You are my mate. You have to… you have to understand that even if there is another female… It’s like you said. Then, I was a different wolf. I made a commitment to this family and this pack, and I love you. I love you.” But the pups… the ones that may or may not even exist… they were his, if they were real. Leo thought for a moment. If they were real, they would have to be more than a year old by now. Realistically, they were probably adults. And he was their father.
“But if there are pups…” Leo said, his head on Rayen’s shoulder again. “I’m their father. My blood runs through them. I can’t just ignore that.”
To his last question, Rayen said into his fur, “There's a place where the lines between our world and the world of shadows are blurred. Present, future, past... sometimes they can all be visible.”
“You mean,” Leo said slowly. “The Pool of Time?” Leo had heard the rumors. Of course, he didn't know what of them was real and what was just talk. But if this place was real, and it was true that a living wolf could contact the dead, then that was their key to figuring out his past. “If the legends are true, I think that’s our next stop.”
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